tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-298593812024-03-14T02:24:58.678-04:00A Single Mom's LifeSingle mom working to get her second degree in nursing, take care a 3 year old, and keep her sanity in the mean time.A Big Ball of Stresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060901313354392903noreply@blogger.comBlogger220125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29859381.post-9116694684306018712010-05-14T01:25:00.001-04:002010-05-14T01:26:46.351-04:00I'm a loser......ok not really..just haven't posted in awhile, so I suck (and I don't mean in a good way either..lol)<br /><br />I'll be back...in the meantime I lost my comments now! :( So I can't keep up with anyone. Damn haloscan!<br /><br />Anyways...Update coming soon!!!A Big Ball of Stresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060901313354392903noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29859381.post-91450488711314883662010-01-15T16:48:00.001-05:002010-01-15T16:48:02.941-05:00Wii Fit Plus Kicks My Ass<p>So I made the traditional resolutions, but I plan on keeping them.</p> <p>First one is to lose weight, but I do not plan on dieting.  I plan on making changes in my eating, becausing frankly....a diet doesn't work for me.  I have no will power at all, none, nada, nil...zip, zero, none.  So I am paying attention more to what I buy food wise and what I snack on.  The great thing is that the past few weeks...I have been eating until full, and not buying TOO many snacks that are not good.  What I have been doing is working out with Wii Fit Plus..wow. Now you can get away with doing very little on this "game" but I usually choose the rough route, with going easy every couple of days.  I am actually loving it!  The only problem I am having is with ab muscles.  I think between pregnancy, being overweight, and appendectomy all within about 4 months kind of tore up my abs.  I work out for awhile, and I get the HUGE cramp in my stomach half way through that feels like those nasty charlie horses you get in your calf but in my stomach.  I Have to lay on my stomach for about an hour to release the cramp...so I gotta work on those muscles a little bit easier and work my way up.</p> <p>Anyways...I am kinda psyched about this.  YAY me!</p> A Big Ball of Stresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060901313354392903noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29859381.post-82888146422018051432010-01-15T01:35:00.001-05:002010-01-15T01:35:20.662-05:00A photo for your enjoyment...<p>Here is a photo of Brooke and I at my pinning ceremony (it's a nursing school traditional ceremony).  Please realize she was with grandma during the ceremony with having punch after so she is a little bit of a mess...lol. Oh yeah...she also needed a haircut but we had snow storms that week, that kind of threw that out the window.</p> <p><a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_w_WjMRiVxs0/S1AMou3MMUI/AAAAAAAAAQw/e-Gmsvkw9mw/DSC_0437%5B3%5D.jpg"><img style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-bottom: 0px" height="304" alt="DSC_0437" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_w_WjMRiVxs0/S1AMo_vbvwI/AAAAAAAAAQ0/N4toaH1xT1Y/DSC_0437_thumb%5B1%5D.jpg" width="451" border="0" /></a> </p> <p>And here is a photo of probably one of the only people in my class that I want to have a long life friendship with...Jess</p> <p><a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_w_WjMRiVxs0/S1AMpQrvGaI/AAAAAAAAAQ4/6QqTj9sYJ_E/DSC_0438%5B10%5D.jpg"><img style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-bottom: 0px" height="308" alt="DSC_0438" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_w_WjMRiVxs0/S1AMpljYV6I/AAAAAAAAAQ8/W2Q_p06GutE/DSC_0438_thumb%5B8%5D.jpg" width="457" border="0" /></a></p> A Big Ball of Stresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060901313354392903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29859381.post-46488668320917012392010-01-14T23:33:00.001-05:002010-01-14T23:33:50.305-05:00Is a Disney Cruise in our future?<p>I'm going to work like hell to make sure Brooke & I take a cruise in 2011.  That will be the last year she will not be in school, and I want to take it in as much as possible.</p> <p>Today I spent a good 6 hours looking for blogs about single parent cruising, and to be honest, I found very little.  Sure, I found articles saying how great it was, and how much fun kids can have (not to mention myself). But I didn't find any REAL good information on single parent cruising.  </p> <p>I am afraid of cruising as a single mom with a child alone. Everything I read about safety and things like that don't concern me. It sounds like Disney keeps their cruises pretty safe for the kids (as safe as a kid can be anywhere that is), so I don't worry about that part.  I worry about myself...how much fun can cruising alone with a child can be?</p> <p>Sure you can send your child to the clubs and enjoy some "me" time, but come on...I can only spend so much "me" time alone! I am afraid of how lonely I will get!  I tend to get quite shy around people I don't know, it is the self esteem part of me...so I will sit on the deck, swim, go the <gasp> bar and sit there alone, even though I yearn to go to the dance club, and get my boogie on (boy does that age me!)...I'll probably sit in the sports bar, because that is just where it is easier to be when you are alone. Who wants to watch a bunch of couples dancing together, while you are there alone?(this is all while Brooke is in the club of course).</p> <p>I plan to spend significant amount of time with her, but a couple of hours a day could do myself some good.  I could go work out(ugh!), sit on the deck, swim, go to the bar, take whatever little class they offer...but that is just not so much fun alone.</p> <p>I really don't have many friends that I know who would go on a cruise with me, but I hope that in the next few months, I will meet some...</p> <p>But...I am bound and determined to make this trip happen.  Even if I go and spend all my me time in the stateroom...it will still be me time.  No worrying about cleaning up, making the bed, cooking dinner, etc...It will be relaxing I hope.</p> <p>On the other hand, I hope to treat my daughter to the vacation of a lifetime.  To see her lightup when she sees the characters, dance at the parties on deck, do all the fun things that kids do in the club...that, alone would be worth the trip.</p> <div class="wlWriterSmartContent" id="scid:0767317B-992E-4b12-91E0-4F059A8CECA8:08dfae56-c472-4690-8ca5-bb026ca8d7d0" style="padding-right: 0px; display: inline; padding-left: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; margin: 0px; padding-top: 0px">Technorati Tags: <a href="http://technorati.com/tags/disney%20cruise" rel="tag">disney cruise</a>,<a href="http://technorati.com/tags/single%20parent%20cruise" rel="tag">single parent cruise</a>,<a href="http://technorati.com/tags/vacations" rel="tag">vacations</a>,<a href="http://technorati.com/tags/dreams" rel="tag">dreams</a></div> A Big Ball of Stresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060901313354392903noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29859381.post-64682404685563047822010-01-04T18:54:00.001-05:002010-01-04T18:54:32.706-05:00Brooke's last day at daycare...<p>Brooke was in her daycare since she was 12 weeks old.  She is now going on 4 January 6th(my goodness where has time gone).  This made it very difficult for me when I dropped her off the other day for her last day.  I have state sanctioned daycare, and since I am done with school, I can no longer get the daycare sanctioned, so we had to say goodbye.</p> <p>Since everyone has become a big part of our family, I/we made chocolate covered pretzels to give to the staff at the daycare.  After making a <strike>mess </strike>bunch of these treat bags, I took them in to the daycare and had Brooke pass them out to everyone. The first room we took them to was to the cook...then we dropped off to her current teacher.  Ok..no problem, we can do this.  We get back to the nursery where her first teacher, T, was working.  She gave Brooke a hug, and that was the end.  I ended up bawling.  Yes, I cried.   Why??  I felt like a fool. We took the bags to the other classrooms as I sobbed.  A few of the teachers looked at me like I was insane....</p> <p>So to me it was an end.</p> <p>I was going to enroll Brooke into Head Start.  I went in to ask about it, and maybe get a tour.  When I walked in the lady looks at me and says "You have to call central registration."  Umm ok...well can I get some information "You will have to call".  Ummm that did not go over well.  So I called central registration.  They registered her, and told me that they should not have acted like that and should have answered any questions I had, and given me a tour.  Ok...so I get home..and start thinking about it.  I don't think I want to do this now.  I got a feeling in the pit of my stomach, and decided I was not comfortable with this place, so I decided to keep her home with me.  When I get a job, I will reenroll her in the daycare she has been going to and that will be the end of that.  </p> A Big Ball of Stresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060901313354392903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29859381.post-17708659531070260932009-12-27T03:14:00.001-05:002009-12-27T03:14:29.924-05:00Wow...3:00AM<p>Well it is 3:00 and I just caught up on reading blogs. Unfortunately, my reader doesn't go back more than 30 days apparently, but that is ok...I'll catch up when I need to if I don't understand something. I wasn't able to comment on everyone's..I just am not in the swing of this anymore..but I'll get there eventually.</p> <p>It has been interesting, reading about other single mom's new or old relationships, new jobs,  new parenting issues, and new situations in life.</p> <p>My heart goes out to all of them...and how I missed them all so much.  I am glad to be able to find time again for myself, even if it is in the middle of the night while Brooke sleeps behind me.</p> <p>In the meantime, a few things you didn't know was going on.</p> <p>Remember in my Hell froze over post(ok..nevermind, I guess I never wrote that post, it was in July)...my little brother got married...yeah, well they have split.  I probably shouldn't get into details, but I kinda understand what has happened, though I think they are splitting a little too fast, or at least planning on doing it permanently a little too fast, but what can you do.</p> <p>Brooke had her last day at daycare last week. I sobbed. I will tell that story in another post, because I really feel it needs a post all to it's own. I have made decisions that are going to affect our lives for the next few months while I wait on taking boards.</p> <p>I really have a lot I want to talk about, so I am going to keep my Live writer open on my computer when it is on, so I can just jump into a post when I feel inspired, but until then, I should get some sleep.</p> A Big Ball of Stresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060901313354392903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29859381.post-65190845171557979582009-12-26T19:50:00.001-05:002009-12-26T19:50:53.148-05:00Catching up on reading...<p>Since nursing school completely consumed by day to day life, I have neglected reading some of my favorite blogs.  So if you happen to get a comment from an old blog from me...Sorry it is so late. </p> <p> </p> <p>Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.</p> <p> </p> <p><a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/_w_WjMRiVxs0/SzavagZjP1I/AAAAAAAAAQQ/4eYjtBJLmNM/Scan5%5B5%5D.jpg"><img style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-bottom: 0px" height="299" alt="Scan5" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_w_WjMRiVxs0/SzavbMl3TMI/AAAAAAAAAQU/R7Fhk3Unprc/Scan5_thumb%5B3%5D.jpg" width="197" border="0" /></a></p> A Big Ball of Stresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060901313354392903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29859381.post-34182095861047839892009-12-14T23:15:00.001-05:002009-12-14T23:15:38.408-05:00How hard is it? I mean really...<p>How hard is it to blog?  Apparently, I find it real difficult, hence you haven't heard from me in a long time.  I'm going to try to get moving on this again, because outside of a take home final....I will be officially....</p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p><font size="7">DONE WITH NURSING SCHOOL!!!!!</font></p> <p><font size="7"></font></p> <p><font size="3">So there ya have it...That is where I am at.  Brooke and I have had a very busy last year with school, I didn't think it would ever end.  Now I have to get ready to take boards, probably late January/early February. </font></p> <font size="3"> <p> <br />I have probably lost a lot of my readers, mostly because of my lack of posting, but to be honest, I haven't had a chance to read all the blogs I used to read. I will get back to that eventually, I promise.  First, though, I have a bedroom full of a year of neglect.  There is no food rotting under the covers, or poopy diapers from when Brooke was a baby sitting around..it is just that I have clutter everywhere.  I must have about 50 nursing books alone just kinda leaning against the piece of metal bookshelf they are on.  My closet is just filled with things piled in there in boxes with no rhyme or reason other than..."I don't know what to do with this" pile.</p> <p> </p> <p>Brooke is doing wonderful.  She is blossoming into a beautiful child with stubborness that she certainly does not get from me..(blinking innocent eyes). </p> <p>She has taken on phrases such as "What the hectic?"  to responding to the comment "Brooke you are so silly" with "Yes, I am."  She is still obsessed with toes, can not break her of that...AND she is OBSESSED with her Crocs which make me look like a bad mom when she is wearing them in 30 degree weather...but hey, she is wearing socks, and there is no snow on the ground, So MIND YOUR OWN DAMNED business.</p> <p>I am excited with the things to come...Wow...once I find a nursing job, 2 more months and me and the kid will be living in our own little home.  It's hard to believe, but it is now becoming more real.  I have basically sworn off relationships the last 2 years...and yes to those saucy people I know...I even sworn off sex.  Sex makes life too complicated while in nursing school. Especially when you aren't dating anyone specific.  In order to have sex, you have to meet someone, which means you have to have a babysitter, which means you sometimes have to have money, which means you have a job, which means you have little time for studying, which means that when you are studying...you are not paying much attention to your child, which means the child has a lot of resentment, which means she starts to act out, which means you get exhausted dealing with the acting out, which means that you lose precious study time......well you get the picture.</p> <p>I look forward to catching up on everyone's blogs.  I hope you all still remember me. </p> <p>Oh yeah, Im getting rid of Blogher...it's just too intense for me...too many rules...I'm already structured by rules with school..Don't need anymore. </p> </font> A Big Ball of Stresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060901313354392903noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29859381.post-71838425674235207642009-07-16T03:00:00.001-04:002009-07-16T03:00:12.296-04:00It's That time again...<p>Time for the old PMS to kick in...at least that is what I hope.  Started feeling really down today that I have noone to bitch to, then I thought "Hey...those that do read my blog...I'll bitch to them. "  Aren't you the lucky ones?? LOL</p> <p>Just a couple of things that I need to get off my chest.</p> <p>1. I am beginning to really think I have something wrong with me health wise, but I won't go see a doctor unless the symptoms are objective so I sit here scared. I don't want to go to the doctor and tell them the things that I have going wrong, because I have an intense fear that I won't be believed.  This goes back to my childhood when I used to overexaggerate certain pains to get attention.  I stopped this years ago when it finally hit me that it wasn't the attention I wanted to get.  I mostly stopped doing this around 7th or 8th grade, but now I FEAR being thought of as trying to get attention since the Monster stripped all sense of my thought processes away from me. Some of the subjective(symptoms that can not be seen by someone else. This is opposed to objective when can be observed by others, such as vital signs, etc) symptoms I have are forgetfulness, tiredness, short dizzy spells, lack of concentration, irritableness (this one could be the PMS), some other vague things...but the biggest one that scared me is the other day the fingers on my left hand fell asleep for no reason for about 5 minutes. All these things together..make me real nervous. First, I was in the hospital about 2 weeks ago for pneumonia/exasperation of asthma for about 5 days...and second, I have 2 cousins with MS. Maybe I sound like a hypochondriac, but I sure don't feel like one about this stuff.  It is no secret that I have bad health issues...but I so don't want to go and complain to the doctor about this stuff to be told it is probably nothing, yet, I also do not want to go through a bunch of tests to be told it is nothing, because THEN it WILL look like I am trying to get attention. It is an exhaustive circle!</p> <p>2. People in my class are driving me INSANE! It just seems that they choose to distract me.  Now, I know they aren't choosing to do it, but they do. I have catageroized them...</p> <p>We have: <br /><strong><em>Chatty Cathys</em></strong>-  Sometimes they talk about the subject at hand, maybe someone is asking their neighbor for clarification or whatever, but it is right in the middle of the instructor talking, and often explaining it further...then to REALLY piss me off...the people that were talking, will ask a question that the instructor had said while they were talking!  This often reminds me of something I had heard in Psych nursing.  It was a recording of what it sounds like to someone with Schizophrenia..and the voices in their heads.</p> <p><strong><em>Three Hole Punch Theresas</em></strong>-reorganize their notebooks AND 3 hole punch while the instructor is talking...(this happened tonight by someone that normally doesn't do it...Click...CLUNK....CLICK....CLUNK...SHUFFLE...CLUNK</p> <p><strong><em>Heidi Highlight-</em></strong>Some people will highlight their power point slides with 6 different colors (for different things I guess...but I don't understand that, because I'd be concentrating too much on which color I should be using instead of what is being said..but whatever works for them)...this would not bother me but they take the lid off...highlight...click the lid back on...set it down(not drop it, but certainly not lay it down quietly)...pick up the next color...click the lid off highlight...click it back on...set it down...Now if it it was here and there...then that would be one thing, but I think they highlight EVERYTHING so that it fits into their color coding...so it is LITERALLY click...scrape...click...tap...click...scrape...click...tap...click...scrape...click...tap...click...scrape...click...tap...  Over and OVER again...constantly. Now in their defense..today for some reason instead of stewing over it like I normally do...I said something to the Heidi Highlight and Three Hole Punch Theresa and they actually acknowledged my pain...but the one girl that normally does the hole punching and reorganizing</p> <p><strong><em>Better Than You Betty-</em></strong>Who feels that she knows it all, and knows why you are having problems, and will tell you what you are doing wrong in your studies.  She will even tell you that she doesn't care if the 75% of the people like a movie, song, television show...that movie, song, television show is terrible!  As if she is the authority on what is good and what is bad.  She even told me that my whole problem with studying is using outside sources to help clarify things for myself. </p> <p><strong><em>Cold Cates-</em></strong>Who may or may not be included in any of the other groups.  These are the girls who feel that the room is always...FREEZING.  What I would like to say to the Cates in the world..."I know you know that I have breathing problems at times, that is often exasperated by heat, and I know that you know that there are several of us older women in the class who get hot real bad...but it is much easier for you to put a sweater/jacket/or hoodie on then it is for me to take my clothes off.  Ok actually it may or may not be easier...but trust me dear..you don't wanna see this body naked. Please do not turn up the heat.  What's that?  You 'd don't want to put a sweater on because it is summer??  Well guess what...I don't wanna show my tits to you at all" </p> <p><em><strong>Anal Retentive Annie-</strong></em> who is constantly shuffling through her book, her notes, and anything else she has to find reference to what the teacher is talking about.  Let's not mention the post it tabs she puts on every book..during class for each chapter. (All color coordinated and lined up JUST so)</p> <p>Then Finally...the worse offender of making me wanna pull out a 3 inch 3 ring binder and clobbering someone with it..is <strong><em>Know It All Nelly</em></strong>...This girl has something to say about EVERYTHING.  All during clinical she commented on everything, and often things that had nothing to do with anything.  I was on my last straw...and when I saw the end in sight yesterday that I was finally getting away from her for a few days...I made the mistake of making a comment.  What comment could I possibly say that I thought was "safe" that Know It All Nelly would not have anything to say anything about it you might ask?.... It was... "Over by that yellow truck is where most of us are parked."  To which she replied... "Is that your yellow truck Josh??  My son LOVES yellow trucks...Everytime he is sees a yellow truck he says blah blah blah(at this point I had an aneurysm and didn’t hear the rest she had to say"</p> <p>Yeah..no cares in the world to anyone but themself.  Now I could get anal and say that those that sit there and text constantly during class distract me some too...but, I think that is CERTAINLY mostly my pettiness because the texting isn't really that loud or distracting, it is just all the movement.  </p> <p>Having bitched about all these people makes me feel better...I know none of them are meaning bad to me..but I have to bitch to someone..so you get it :)</p> <p> </p> <p>Yes..these are the people that I enjoy in my day to day life at school....and the things that annoy the hell out of me...During PMS.</p> A Big Ball of Stresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060901313354392903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29859381.post-74778434153797336402009-06-24T02:12:00.001-04:002009-06-24T02:12:13.383-04:00Barbara Walters is THAT stupid????<p>I normally do not watch the View, and today I accidentally ran across it, and now I know why I don't watch it.</p> <p>The conversation was about Chris Brown and Rhianna.  The discussion at the point where I sprung out of bed and started screaming at the television was when Barbara Walters opened her mouth and said "First time his fault, second time your fault." WHAT THE HELL???  I never cared for her, but now I down right can't stand her!  She obviously is uneducated about domestic violence and the cycle of violence.  Come on Barbara...I'd love to talk to you about this, because I find that you are VERY uneducated and know NOTHING about it.</p> <p>Do you want to know my 2 cents??? Well..since this is my blog...I'm going to tell you.  After all, that is why I type this blog right? LOL :)  I'm just teasing...but honestly this is the way it is.  I don't care if it is the first time, second time, or 100th time a man hits a woman, it is never EVER EVER her fault. (For the record...I am using her and him because that is the most usual battered person, a woman...but it can be reverse).  Over the years, when I tell my story...it is inevitable that someone will say, "Why didn't you just leave?"  or "It would have stopped if you would have left."   These are the stigmas associated of victims of domestic violence...but let me give a little lesson, so that I can be part of the education in domestic violence.  When women go back, they don't go back because they want to be beaten again, they go back for so many more reasons, that unless you have been in the situation, you will never understand.  Some of the reasons they go back is because they are promised the world....they are promised it will never happened again...their abuser becomes the person that they originally fell in love with again. Another reason they go back, is typically the abuser controls the money...so the victim has nothing, therefore (especially when the victim has kids) they feel that have to option since they have no money.  And on other reason is that often the victim has been alienated from friends and family...they have nowhere to go (other than shelters) and feel like the only home they can have is with the abuser.</p> <p>I was reading some of the message boards on The View website..and one thing that was brought up was that people are ticked that Rhianna is being "punished" and being told she is not allowed to contact Chris...I believe this is to save her, not to punish her.  In fact, when I went before the judge in my protection order hearing...my ex was told that regardless if I started the contact or not, HE is responsible to stay away.  If I found him, HE had to leave.  For instance if he was at the local swimming place...and I walked in...HE had to leave.  Or if I called him, HE had to hang up on me.  My ex tried to fight it when she told him that, which was hillarious because his attorney told him to shut up...but he tried to say he was going to go to school too (where I was going at the time), and what if we were in the same building...that just isnt fair.  The judge looked at him and said "I SAID, if she is somewhere...YOU have to leave..no option".  </p> <p>One final thing...a man should NEVER hit a woman, regardless if she did it or not.  He needs to leave.  Dr Phil said this before, and I believe this...but sometimes I wonder about it.  Though it is true that most of the time the abuser is a man...so I guess it seems to fit.  What do you think?</p> A Big Ball of Stresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060901313354392903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29859381.post-18407103951894809922009-06-16T02:43:00.001-04:002009-06-16T02:43:45.865-04:00The real me....<p>The other day someone said something to me that caused me to do some self examination. I wanted to put this in a blog, because there is just no one outside of blogdom that really wants to hear it, I am sure.</p> <p>I was told that I was "hard headed".  At first I was offended but after thinking about it, I realized that I probably do appear hard headed but I am far from that.  To me hard headed means I make a decision or have a thought and I am hard fast on it.  This is not true.  The reason they think this is because often we are talking at school about a test question before we get the answer back...and if I say what my answer was, I will try to explain why I chose it.  More often then not, I am cut off before completing my thought and that just PISSES me off to no ends.  So I got to thinking about that.  I decided that the reason I do this because I have spent all of my life trying to be heard, and never was.  But since the life changing event of my abusive ex, I made a HUGE change in my thought processes and I changed.   I want to be heard, that is all.  If I am heard, and someone wants to debate(in a nice way of course) I am more than happy to discuss it, and maybe even change my mind...but don't cut me off before I have made my point, because that just gets me going more and I will fight...fight not to prove myself right, but to fight to be heard, which will appear to be a fight for my cause.</p> <p>Another thing about me that really no one knows(at least those that don't read my blog that is) is that I am still in love with a guy I dated 6 years ago.  Not so in love that it keeps me from other relationships, but in love enough that it hurts me that he still wants to have a friendship.  I have not ever responded to him, but he keeps trying. I just don't get it.  I mean really...I NEVER see him anymore...but yet he hunts me out, such as on facebook...he sends me messages, tries to message me, and yet I have not answered him in 4 years. At what point does he get it?  I mean really.  Shutting him off is my way of dealing.  He is married now and has moved on obviously, so why does he feel so obligated to keep in touch?  Especially since he gets no response.</p> <p>I am protective about the situation at which Brooke has came to be...and I probably will be until the day I die. (With the exception of when she is old enough to explain to her..but other than that..I don't really want to share that.  I have told maybe 3 people and 2 I have never met, and my old therapist.  Is that wrong of me?? Probably...but really, is it anyone's business?</p> <p>I am stressed beyond belief.  The only thing that keeps me going every day is my daughter.  I feel bad that I can not give her the life she deserves right now, but I keep in my mind, I am doing all this for us.  I know that this is the fact, but some days I do feel bad about it.</p> <p>I am ok with being single, but I wish I wasn't. I need to be loved, and to love someone...but that is ok.  Right now I need to work on myself. But it still sucks.  Does that make sense?</p> <p>I have wanted to be the center of attention.  In years past it was always achieved in bad ways.    Now I find myself using humor to cause attention to myself. Often this humor can be annoying, I would imagine...but I do get a lot of laughs.  </p> <p>I know people at school especially get annoyed with me having so many stories...but when you have been in my shoes all these years, and have seen, done or had done to you so many things...you have a TON of stories.  I am working on this.  I have decided that I am going to keep more stories to myself.  Because after some point, people start to believe(at least I do about other people), that you are making things up, which I do not do.</p> <p>I get depressed because I have only been out for the evening enjoying my time 3 or 4 times in the last 2 years.  Do you know how bad that sucks?  I got told by one of the girls at school that they do not invite me to anything anymore because I never go.  First, it is still nice to be invited, even if I can't go...and second, I wish like hell I had money to pay a sitter to babysit but I am broke.</p> <p>And finally, I have never been this broke in my life.  I have $50 to my name to last me the rest of the month, and will need gas by the end of this week. If it wasn't for my parents I do not know what I would do.</p> <p>Finally, I love my father, but I have spent all of my life CONSTANTLY trying to impress him.  If I get a good grade on a test, he is the first to know.  They day I did an IV...I was excited to tell him.  I told others, but he was the one I wanted to tell the most.  Often time when I do tell him something positive, I barely get a response, sometimes I get a negative response("Oh you got a B?  What happened to an A?"), and sometimes he will say good job.  UGH I hate this about me the most.</p> <p>So there ya go...some insight into me...There is so much more because I am a complex person. I had to put this in a blog because it is running through my head, and I am sure no one wants to listen to me talk about myself in real life...so you, my dear bloggers, get the luck to listen to me ramble :)</p> A Big Ball of Stresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060901313354392903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29859381.post-32855649905783152262009-06-07T01:40:00.001-04:002009-06-07T01:40:46.428-04:00Things 3 year olds shouldn't say...or me for that matter.<p>Today, Brooke said something to me that 3 year olds should not say.  This is also something I say often, that I SWORE I'd never say to my child when I was younger.</p> <p>Me: Brooke...are you ready for bed?</p> <p>Brooke: No mommy.</p> <p>Me: Why not?</p> <p>Brooke: Because</p> <p>Me: Because?  Why arent you ready for bed?</p> <p>Brooke: Because I said so.</p> <p>WTF????  It is just like nails going down a chalkboard when she says this because that means something I swore I'd never say...is being thrown back in my face.</p> <p>========================</p> <p>Another gem...Don't criticize me..because this USED to work...</p> <p>Me:  Let's go inside Brooke.</p> <p>Brooke:  I don't want to mommy.</p> <p>Me: Mommy's going to cry...(<em>btw..why do we always refer to ourselves in third person?)</em></p> <p>Brooke:  Go ahead.</p> <p>WTF??? When did my child become so insensitive. LOL</p> <p>=========================</p> <p>Me: Brooke GO TO BED! (the way I say it sometimes makes her cry..)</p> <p>After she is done crying and lying in bed...</p> <p>Brooke: Mommy, I'll be nice now.</p> <p>Me: Ok honey...Go to sleep. I love you.</p> <p>Brooke: Mommy, I'm sorry now.</p> <p>Me:  Ok honey, I love you, now go to sleep.</p> <p>Brooke: Mommy, can I give you a hug?</p> <p>Me: Yes honey...I love you.</p> <p>Ok...I'll wait for you all to say "Awwwwwwwwwwww".  </p> <p>The next morning....</p> <p>Brooke: Mommy, are you still mad?</p> <p>Me: No honey. I love you. (<em>She wasn't suppose to remember that!)</em></p> <p> </p> <p>=========================</p> <p>Here are some shorts of things that were said to us in class by our instructor...and my response.  And yes I said this stuff out loud .</p> <p>Instructor: Personalities are pretty concrete. This means that a 2 year old's personality will probably never change.</p> <p>Me: Good God....I'm in trouble.</p> <p>============================</p> <p>Instructor: (teaching on Bipolar disorder)  Many people with bipolar are very impulsive in their manic phase. For instance, they will be less choosey on who they have sex with.</p> <p>Me: Well...I guess that goes to prove I am not bipolar, since I am not having any sex.(<em>someone tell me why I admitted that in front of my whole class?)</em></p> <p>===============</p> <p>While discussing advanced directives, and how if you don't have advanced directives..the next of kin is automatically given the responsibility.</p> <p>Me: So if you are saying that next of kin gets the responsibility that would be my parents, and I am ok with that, because they are very rational.</p> <p>Instructor: Do you have any brother's and sisters?</p> <p>Me: I have one of each.</p> <p>Instructor: Well..there is a possibility that they could fight for that right to make the calls.</p> <p>Me: Hmmm well I better get one written ASAP then because my sister would be fighting to pull the plug even if there is a 99% possibility that I could recover! In fact, she probably would be begging to do the deed!</p> <p> </p> <p>I often come out with quips in class...most of the time I get a laugh, but I bet I drive some of the other students nuts. lol</p> A Big Ball of Stresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060901313354392903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29859381.post-8550897072568530102009-05-28T03:41:00.001-04:002009-05-28T03:41:21.218-04:00DUCK!!! Pigs are flying!<p>Yes...I am sitting here sniffling because they grow up so fast...sniff sniff.</p> <p>No, I am not talking about Brooke....I am talking about my little/big brother is actually going to do it... He has been to Iraq and back...he has drank a many a beer...and he has dated a many a women....but he is finally going to get married!   Yes..my 25 year old brother is going to settle down and become <gasp> married.  They are getting married July 8th, I guess just at the court house, but he is actually going to do it.  Congrats little bro...(Even though you don't even know about my blog...lol).</p> <p> </p> <p><a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_w_WjMRiVxs0/Sh5AHyS4AzI/AAAAAAAAAPk/CSywR5GCYoo/davidndarlene%5B2%5D.jpg"><img style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-bottom: 0px" height="184" alt="davidndarlene" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_w_WjMRiVxs0/Sh5AIMv-yGI/AAAAAAAAAPo/aReKGFjxMlY/davidndarlene_thumb.jpg" width="244" border="0" /></a></p> A Big Ball of Stresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060901313354392903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29859381.post-26532650829033920342009-05-28T02:56:00.001-04:002009-05-28T02:56:09.869-04:00Told you so....<p>Yeah, so I took Brooke back to the dentist.  In a way I really was hoping for the melt down that happened so I could be vindicated, but I hated that my darling child had to go through this...but she HAD to. It's just a shame that the dentist is in some kind of denial, the same denial that I am in when I think that eating that huge piece of cake isn't really going to put any more fat on my hips.</p> <p>We arrive at the office <strike>of horrors</strike> 30 minutes early, because I am the queen of being early.  Luckily Brooke didn't realize that we were just here the week before, or did she? After explaining to the receptionist on how to set the dvd to play, because obviously noone has ever watched DVD's there, we sat down and waited...and waited...and waited.</p> <p>Finally they call Brooke's name. This is where you could see the fear rise from the tips of her piggies to the pig tails in her hair.  We walk back to the little room that they use for xrays.  Now, mind you she never really made into the chair the last time, so this time...I sit down they throw a vest that weighs 4 times as much as Brooke on me, throw one on her...and proceed to attempt to take the xray (On a side note...whatever happened to the question of "Is there any chance your pregnant? question.  I guess they can see the celibacy of a year and half written all over my face).  Now Brooke is kicking and screaming, it is taking all my might to hold on to her and calmly tell her that she was going to be ok, they were just going to take pictures of her teeth.  Nope, no how, no way was she going to let them! So what do they do?  They get what I am assuming is the master of dental heigenests (sleep escapes me to remember how to spell that) to come in.  I am thinking...great...she must work with kids real well.  Calm them down..keep them ok for the xray.  NOPE she is the masochist of all masochist.  She throws on an apron and grabs my child's chin and throws that little piece of plastic that tears into your gums into her mouth.  3 or 4 times.  Now...it happened so fast that I didn't realize just how rough she was, until we get out of the chair...and find my child's lips are BLEEDING!  YES BLEEDING! UGH!  So I'm fuming, but I just want this over with so I can hold my child and apologize.</p> <p>Then they take us to "the room".  Now last time they had us in a room with 3 chairs, this time...I'm sure they thought "We have a screamer that is bleeding, we do not want anyone to see this!"  so they gave us our own little room.  While we waited for the dentist, Brooke started sorting through the little toys they give to the kids.  I told her she could have 2 since they were so mean to her. (Ok I didnt say since they were so mean...but I did tell her to take 2).</p> <p>The dentist came in and said...YAY! She got the xrays done!  What a great job Brooke!  And all Brooke did was look at her like she was out of her mind.  So now...let's get her to sit in the chair.  NOPE NO WAY...but some how..they put her in the chair, <strike>tied her down</strike> while the dentist looked in her mouth, the hygienist held her hands down.  Brooke is screaming her freaking head off...but hey!  That works for the dentist as she poked around to see all the work that needed to be done.  They praised her for being such a good girl and helping them out by keeping her mouth open.  Ummmmm hello???? She was screaming..she wasn't doing you a favor (can ya tell I'm still pissed off about the xrays?).  </p> <p>So they came to the SAME conclusion as last week...she needs to be sedated in order to do the repairs on her teeth that need to be done.  Um couldn't we have just skipped this step then?  Then being a stupid mom I ask her...so will they do a cleaning then too??  The dentist says to me...Now get this..this is the same woman who remembered Brooke from last week being noncompliant...and the same one who just had to deal with her screaming while trying to see what needed done "oh, we didn't clean her teeth?" UMMMM NO???? Have you been hitting that nitrous oxide yourself lady?   So we get Brooke back into the chair...screaming her head off again...and they start to clean her teeth.  Once Brooke tasted the toothpaste, she was chowing on it!  She kept closing her mouth just so she could taste it.  Then when they when to use that <strike>vacuum hose</strike> suction with the water...she was all about that...she loved having her tongue sucked (oh lord, this could be trouble when she grows up!)...but she was a trooper through all that.</p> <p>Now...the dentist again tells Brooke how great she did!  And how she was such a big girl! Ummm hello...do you have ear plugs in? Then she tells Brooke to take a toy or 2 from the bin....Of course I didn't tell her about the 3 she stuffed in my purse while waiting.</p> A Big Ball of Stresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060901313354392903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29859381.post-53896006189391310452009-05-19T23:15:00.001-04:002009-05-19T23:15:20.416-04:00Geesh...who knows my child best?<p>I really hate that fact that some medical practioners think they know my child better than I do.  Case in point, the PEDIATRIC dentist I took Brooke to last week.  I really kind of wait for redemption this Thursday when we go back.</p> <p>First a little back story....a year and a half ago Brooke threw one of her major fits at daycare and it resulted in this....</p> <p> </p> <p align="center"><a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_w_WjMRiVxs0/ShN1xvR9r3I/AAAAAAAAAOo/hwEiaNVYpMw/048%5B4%5D.jpg"><img style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-bottom: 0px" height="184" alt="048" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_w_WjMRiVxs0/ShN1x3N4ElI/AAAAAAAAAOs/WqWw5Mkg-Zw/048_thumb%5B2%5D.jpg" width="244" border="0" /></a> </p> <p align="left">In case you can't tell her top tooth was knocked clear up into her gums.  The dentist (a different one) said he would be surprised if it lasted but it has.  When I took her to this dentist, she was very cooperative, despite that the "accident" had just occurred a couple of hours before. When we went for the follow ups, she sat for xrays, opened her mouth, and let the dentist poke around and look at the damage for awhile. She had to be in some severe pain, so the latest excuse this new dentist gave is bullshit.</p> <p align="left">Lately, whenever Brooke eats anything real sweet, she complained of a toothache.  Now, she NEVER complains any other time, just when she eats something sweet.  So I had to take her to the dentist.  We went to a different dentist because the first dentist didn't take her insurance, and I had to pay things out of pocket, so this time...I am not able to do that.</p> <p align="left">We go into this dentist who is suppose to specialize in kids, so I'm thinking...GREAT! They will understand a 3 year old's temperament and be able to deal with her.  We walked into the room where they do xrays and Brooke has a breakdown.  Not just a breakdown but a full blown out...NO WAY IN HELL am I sitting in that chair for xrays breakdown.  I tried to hold her, nope, I tried to talk calmly to her, nope...She just was not having it. So the dental hygienist decided there was no way we were getting xrays.  So off we went to the next room where the dentist chair was.  I sat down in the chair expecting to hold her, and she made it clear...NO WAY IN HELL am I sitting in that chair mom, not even on your lap!  Eventually we wrestled her down for the dentist to get a millisecond peak in her mouth as she screamed in defiance.  Now the child is scared, and I understand that.  This was a strange place.  I was very apologetic and explained that she was always cooperative with the dentist and doctors...and in no way did I expect her to do this before they even got her mouth open.</p> <p align="left">The dentist proceeds to tell me that it was because my child was in pain and that she was going to probably need to have some teeth pulled, and that would require sedation.  However, the doctor that does sedation has a 2 month waiting list.  But we want to bring her back to get the xrays next week after round of antibiotics and pain relief.  She will be fine once the swelling is down and there is no pain, because that is why she is throwing a fit.  Ummm hello....I know my child.  She is not letting you poke in her mouth because YOU just aren't friendly to kids.  She wasn't calm talking, didn't try to explain to Brooke what was going to happen(not that she would really understand, but it would give her some indication that the dentist was nice), NOR did she give Brooke anything to play with like the other dentist gave her some bubblegum smelling gloves to play with. Oh yeah...she says to Brooke after she calms down..."Brooke do your teeth hurt?" and Brooke said yes.  When we get into the car...I said to Brooke, "Brooke do your teeth hurt..." Her answer??? NO.  She told this dentist what she wanted the dentist to hear so she'd leave her mouth alone!</p> <p align="left">So after she told me I was wrong, that she was just in pain, because there is no way it was her problem, she had me schedule another appointment this week...just for her to say... "well I can't get xrays or a look so we will have to schedule another appointment"...because I just have all the time in the world!</p> <p align="left">Who wants to put $50 on the fact that Brooke will not be cooperative Thursday when we go back???</p> A Big Ball of Stresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060901313354392903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29859381.post-769641191743271602009-05-10T00:58:00.001-04:002009-05-10T00:58:53.908-04:00I suck.....<p><em>Alternate title...Happy Mother's Day! (I'm trying to get that in because I know there is one person looking for an update..)</em></p> <p><em></em></p> <p>Yes I am still alive.  Things have been so freaking crazy that I really don't know what end is up.  I have no excuse for not writing, other than my face is plastered to Med Surg books and care plans.</p> <p>So here I go again with an update...are you not sick of my updates?? I know I am!  And apparently so is my former sponsors who have dropped me from their list(for good reason!).</p> <p> </p> <p>Last term was HELL!  I am not just saying that for me, I am saying that for everyone in the class.  It was the toughest one yet.  In fact, we lost 8 people from failing.  That is 8 out of 24!  Ummmm....1/3...33.33333333%.  So you can imagine how my life centered around school and all things medical.  But, I pulled through with a B, so that is all that counts, right?</p> <p>This term is not as hard as far as learning (at least not yet), but we have projects coming out the anal canal that each of us has.  But the real bad part is...I have truly lost my drive.  I have lost ever give in me.  I need to find that drive back, but not sure how. I am working on that.</p> <p>During my 1 week break from school, I took a vacation.  Yes...a bonified, fly in a plane vacation to the beach.  I had been in contact with a former..hmmm...how do I put this...friend with benefit.  We haven't seen each other in 7 years, so for those doing the math, he is NOT Brooke(yes I am just outing my daughter's name now) father.  I do not know how many times I have been asked this before we left, but I'm just going to get it out there.</p> <p>Now...I'm probably going to get myself into trouble because he has read my blog once at least, but I will put a little bit about our vacation.  </p> <p>Brooke & I flew to Wilmington NC for 4 days.  We spent 3 of these days at the beach, which I got the worse sunburn ever.  I ended up at the doctors back home because the pain and various colors was just not sitting well with my nursing instructor.  Thank goodness all that was required were steroid  creams and pain meds.  Today all is well with a little bit of left over skin shedding...I just LOVE to peel my skin. LOL</p> <p>Our trip was far from relaxing.  I let Brooke run the beach as much as I could because I knew she was so in love with it...that I did not want to take that away from her.  Plus I knew that for the next 6 months left of school...she would not be doing a whole lot of getting out.  I did nothing but chase her and keep her from drowning under the waves.  She loved the beach...and the seashells. *sigh* I am glad she was happy but it exhausted me.  </p> <p><a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/_w_WjMRiVxs0/SgZfAIL3a-I/AAAAAAAAAOA/VDowkqXkZlo/100_0229%5B3%5D.jpg"><img style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-bottom: 0px" height="244" alt="100_0229" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/_w_WjMRiVxs0/SgZfAc-wU-I/AAAAAAAAAOE/m2RBK8NjWX0/100_0229_thumb%5B1%5D.jpg" width="184" align="left" border="0" /></a> This was the first day at the beach.  The water was freezing, but my child didn't care.  Ummm yeah...which means I had to NOT care because I had to go in after her.</p> <p>70 degree water is cold!</p> <p> </p> <p><a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_w_WjMRiVxs0/SgZfA9OxvGI/AAAAAAAAAOI/Tvrk-GBG2Uc/100_0248%5B4%5D.jpg"><img style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-bottom: 0px" height="244" alt="100_0248" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/_w_WjMRiVxs0/SgZfBPkdOeI/AAAAAAAAAOM/eioSzIw9BI4/100_0248_thumb%5B2%5D.jpg" width="184" align="right" border="0" /></a> </p> <blockquote> <p> <a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/_w_WjMRiVxs0/SgZfBbsUVKI/AAAAAAAAAOQ/HvSH9UkT9vM/100_0230%5B2%5D.jpg"><img style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-bottom: 0px" height="244" alt="100_0230" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_w_WjMRiVxs0/SgZfBnJ29mI/AAAAAAAAAOU/2_fE6lxDDpU/100_0230_thumb.jpg" width="184" border="0" /></a> <a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/_w_WjMRiVxs0/SgZfCJpWq_I/AAAAAAAAAOY/Sy6Ce5P4Co8/100_0233%5B2%5D.jpg"><img style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-bottom: 0px" height="184" alt="100_0233" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/_w_WjMRiVxs0/SgZfCM5tpOI/AAAAAAAAAOc/B_xqXMjNxmA/100_0233_thumb.jpg" width="244" border="0" /></a> </p> <p>She was a very good girl.  I was so worried how she was going to react to the plane ride, but she was a trooper....Never cried once or even got scared!  She got mad at me because she wanted to color during take off...but she got over it quickly.</p> </blockquote> <p>Here she is at the Charlotte airport waiting for our connecting flight...what a great girl!</p> <p><a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_w_WjMRiVxs0/SgZfCqGKyeI/AAAAAAAAAOg/D3ZwBrp9hfg/100_0252%5B4%5D.jpg"><img style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-bottom: 0px" height="206" alt="100_0252" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/_w_WjMRiVxs0/SgZfC8DpATI/AAAAAAAAAOk/-cugg9nPjcc/100_0252_thumb%5B2%5D.jpg" width="273" align="left" border="0" /></a> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p>I love her crooked smile.  She always has it when she is up to something!</p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p>So to answer anyone before asking...There is a reason is was a friend with benefit...and there was a reason for the former friend with benefits.  No romance, no sex, no love...so don't even ask.</p> <p>I am going to update more...I promise...I need to just do it. LOL  Not to mention fix the code now.</p> <p>Oh how I miss you all.  I have read all the engagments and new guys...You all are so lucky.  I hope everything and the best for you!!! I am off... I need to be on the psych floor by 7AM...(and no I am not being admitted......YET).</p> A Big Ball of Stresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060901313354392903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29859381.post-77215295391416971022009-03-03T02:28:00.001-05:002009-03-03T02:28:11.156-05:00Ohhhhh so HILLARIOUS!<p>So one of my readers, fellow single mom, and aspiring actress/writer/all that other fun stuff out in LA...Has webisodes. These are hillarious!</p> <p>So go check out her site and watch the videos.  My favorite was "If Hitler Gave Me a Wax Job".</p> <p>So go check it out......<a href="http://www.bernthis.com" target="_blank">Bernthis.com</a></p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p>Why are you still here????</p> <p> </p> <p>Are you gone yet????</p> <p>BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE</p> A Big Ball of Stresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060901313354392903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29859381.post-49730300281599415572009-03-03T01:32:00.001-05:002009-03-03T01:32:36.476-05:00I'm Really Beginning To Hate Facebook...<p>I posted about an ex boyfriend who found me on Facebook and keeps me thinking about him. Then I posted about the people on Facebook that I went to school with who didn't know I was alive in school, but suddenly are real friendly....</p> <p>The exboyfriend...apparently deleted himself. Kinda relieved...but still... (I wonder if he saw my blog..hmmm..)</p> <p>The people from high school that it kinda bothered me that they were so nice to me, well I am over it.  It is what it is...and it was 20 years ago.  Whatever.</p> <p>Now...there was a guy who I went to church with in high school.  We were really good friends, and he had a huge crush on me.  He never admitted it until the other night, but I knew then.  He was a great guy..just not what I wanted in a guy.  He was rough around the edges.  He was angry at the world it seemed, but he was still a friend.  I found him on Facebook.  I had always wondered what happened to him, and I would periodically search for him on various means, but I finally ran across him.  We have been talking a lot and I have found, he is still rough around the edges, and kind of annoying.  Now that I know he is still alive, I kind of wonder whether I should have found him in the first place.  Ah well...what can you do?</p> <p>Facebook can be a good thing, but I wonder if it isnt a great thing like I originally thought.  </p> <p> </p> <p>By the way, truck driver and I went to the casino over the weekend.  Umm he lost a grand. (I should say we, because I gambled with his money)...but I got to play blackjack for the first time in my life.  Kinda fun!</p> A Big Ball of Stresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060901313354392903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29859381.post-83787857742079916252009-02-24T01:52:00.002-05:002009-02-24T01:54:47.778-05:00Is it possible to fail at finding friendships?<p><em>"And the days went by like paper in the wind. Everything changed, then changed again. It's hard to find a friend. It's hard to find a friend." <br />- Tom Petty</em></p> <p><em></em></p> <p>This isn't a pitty me post, by no means...because right now I am <strong><em>OK </em></strong>with it. I don't have many "friends". I have people on message boards, people's who blogs I read, and who read my blog, and people I go to school with. </p> <p>Each group have their own connection with me. Some are mother's with children the same age as my daughter, some who have a connection of single parenthood, and some who go through the hell we call nursing school, and that is it. I have yet to find someone who I can just bitch to, be bitched at, cry on a shoulder, have someone cry on my shoulder, laugh at the stupid things, cry at the stupid things, call when I wanna chat, be called when they need an ear.</p> <p>So I looked inside myself and tried to figure this out. The first thing is that you must reach out to find friends. I have done this, and apparently have not done it very well. I gave up. I tried to be a friend...the people I go to school with, 90% of them are much younger than me..and often talk about things going on in their life. I give my opinion using my wisdom of age(oh that sucks to even think that way..but it is true). Unfortunately or fortunately, I do not candy coat it. I say what I think, what I feel, or what I have experienced. Maybe I should just say whatever that person thinks I should say??? Maybe that is a mistake.</p> <p>I try to define friendship...I mean true friendship...and maybe I am being too hard on what I consider a friend. I mean if there was a real serious crisis in my life, I know there are several people I could call...but I could just not call these people because I was frustrated with Sunrise and need a mommy minute with another adult.</p> <p>Maybe this is what friendship is when you get to <ahem> middle age(ok..not quite there..but working on it). </p> <p>I have no friends from high school(except those that found me on facebook..and those aren't really even friends)...or college for that matter (the first two times through)...</p> <p>My phone NEVER rings unless someone wants to help me with a mortgage problem(when I don't even have a mortgage), or it's truck driver who is checking in(yeah he is a friend..but there are too many strings attached to that friendship)...and I think that is what I miss most. I want someone to call me to just say.."Hey..what's up? Let me tell you about my day."</p> <p>I also wonder if it isn't because I have experienced more in my life than the average person? When someone says that they are going through a bad time with a roommate...yep..been there, let me tell you how it happened to me, and how I resolved it. Or when someone says...I am always having car troubles, hmmm yep...went through4 cars in 2 years...been there....or other sordid details(and more horrific) of my crazy freaking life. Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut as to what I have gone through and pretend I never have been through it?</p> <p>Maybe I am trying to connect with the wrong type of people? The younger ones, appear to not look at me as a possible friend, but as someone who takes a class with them who is old. Yes...I am old...at least compared to them. There is one or two who I look at like I want them to be like a little sister to me. I want to take them under my wing and protect them, but they don't need protection, I just need a friend.</p><p>Or maybe...it isn't the fact that I am not friendship material, but just not to the people in my contact.</p> <p>I don't know..these things I am going to have to ponder and figure out what I need to do to become more friendship material......</p>A Big Ball of Stresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060901313354392903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29859381.post-35073778698540594632009-02-20T20:48:00.001-05:002009-02-20T20:48:26.923-05:00Geologists????<p>A few months ago I had a few chats with <a href="http://morningmom.blogspot.com/2008/07/predator-thinks-he-is-fooling-his-prey.html" target="_blank">this moron</a>.  </p> <p>He was obviously trying to scam me..Tonight I got a pm from some guy who seems a little odd...something didnt seem right.  Then it hit me...he too is a "geologist".  Why is it that scammers are geologists?  I guess that is because then they have an excuse to be out of the country and need money to get back.   </p> <p>How much you wanna bet he will ask for money before the end of this weekend? Oh I can't wait to screw with his tiny brain :)  He just doesn't know who he is fucking with :)</p> <p>I'll post the convo when it happens ;)</p> A Big Ball of Stresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060901313354392903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29859381.post-88624427847350861142009-02-16T22:08:00.002-05:002009-02-16T22:28:44.758-05:00Repost of my domestic violence story<div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">On Wednesday I will be a guest on <a href="http://www.blogtalkradio.com/thecocktailcafeshow">the Cocktail Cafe show</a> on the blog talk radio. The subject will be on domestic violence. Since my readership has increased since the first time I posted this by quite a bit, I thought it would be good repost it in case it can help someone else. Join us on Wednesday night at 9PM est. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">By the way there is a surprising update to the story in italics about half way down too. (actually I guess I shouldn't have been surprised)</span></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Many or all of you do not know my history. But I have experience in domestic violence. I want to tell you a story of what happened to me, or at least the Reader's Digest version. I want to do this, because I hope to give someone courage to leave a domestic violent situation...and that no matter what they can do it.<br /><br />This is going to be a long one!<br /><br />I met my ex husband in April of 1999. He was the most attentive, wonderful, caring man I had ever met! I thought he was the man of my dreams. He loved my family..my family loved him! He had custody of his 4 kids because he told me that he rescued them from an abusive mother. Little did I know, he was the abusive one. She may have been abusive to the kids, I dont know, and will never know.<br /><br />I saw the signs early, but didnt realize they were signs.<br /><br />First, was his controlling behaviour. At the time I was living in Michigan...and he was in Ohio(where I am from). Often we would keep in contact online during the week and I would travel to Ohio on the weekend to spend it with him and his family. We were talking in a chat room with some of my other friends. I said something that upset him..and he got very snappy with me in the chat room. My girlfriend Karen said something to him about it and he told her to mind her own business. From that day on...I was not allowed to be friends with Karen.<br /><br />One morning I woke up and checked my voicemail. He left me a message, a very angry one. He wanted to know where I was, and who I was with. When I talked to him later in the morning, he could not believe that when he called me I did not hear the phone ringing while I slept. Shortly after he asked me to move in. I am thinking, so he could keep an eye on me.<br /><br />For the 5 months or so...things got worse by the day. I would get yelled at for nothing. I would have to stay up late with him because I wasnt allowed to go to bed without him...then I would have to get up at 6 to get the kids off to school. I would lay on the couch, and he would throw a fit. I was to come back to bed and rub either his back or feet. I was not allowed to fall back asleep. He would fall back asleep and if he woke up and I wasnt rubbing...Id get nudge to keep it up. He didnt work...well for very long anyways, which is whole other story. He was always looking for ways to scam the system. He eventually had an accident at work, that he was collecting workmans comp for. He supposedly hurt his back, but it never kept him from picking me up and throwing me against the wall or on the bed eventually.<br /><br />The first time something physical happened...was totally bizarre. We got into an argument. I decided I needed a break. I went and got my coat on and was going to go for a drive. He pinned me up against the counter and wouldnt let me move or leave. Being that I felt trapped, I smacked him across the face. (which later Battered Women Services told me that this was a normal response). All hell broke loose after that. Without getting into the play by play...I was thrown against the wall, choked, thrown to the floor and smacked in the mouth(leaving a fat lip).<br /><br />The worse beating I ever got was when I got smart with him. He grabbed me...threw me to the floor grabbed the front of my hair and started banging my head into the floor, he then picked me up and threw me on the bed, straddled my body(he was estimated to be around 350 lbs then)holding down my arms with his knees and punched me in the left eye. My eye was swollen shut for 4 days..and black and blue for 2 weeks.<br /><br />The beatings were bad...but the name calling killed me more than that. There were times he would get in my face, yell at me, call me names...and in my mind I was begging him to just hit me and get it over with. I later found out that for most abused women...they feel the same things.<br /><br />I left him 4 times before I left for good. There is a statistic that an abused woman will leave her abuser an average of 7 times before leaving for good. There was a cop that worked for my dad as a side job...he told me this and then he said to me "Dawn...dont make the average..". That will always stay in my mind.<br /><br />Twice I stayed at the Battered Woman's Shelter...that was the most humbling experience in my life. Sure there were women there that really abused the system..but there were some there that just tore my heart strings. It wasnt the best of places to live...but it was such a relief to know that I wasnt going to be called names, or beaten. I learned alot in the shelter and it was the best thing I had ever done.<br /><br />One thing I must say...the most dangerous time for a woman is after leaving an abuser. This is why it is important to go somewhere that an abuser doesnt know...such as a friends that the abuser doesnt know where they live, or a shelter. I found this out the hard way.<br /><br />My ex still tried to court me after the last time I left him. He would ask me to meet him for dinner so I could sign a paper, or talk. I was stupid and did. He didnt do anything in these meetings, but what happened after I stopped them...is when things went bad.<br /><br />Mother's Day 2002 he showed up at my parents where I was staying...and he had the kids. It was around 11PM! The kids brought me mother's day cards. Each which said that they missed me and wanted to know when I was coming home. That night..he stayed in the car while the kids gave me the cards and I gave each of them a hug. They went back to the car, and ex said he forgot to give them some mail I needed. So he got out of the car and came to the door. After the kids were out of ear shot...I gave him an ear full. I told him that I was really angry that he had sunk to a new low..and that I was filing for a divorce as soon as possible. It was over. He told me he was in counseling...blah blah blah. I told him to leave and walked in the house and shut the door in his face.<br /><br />2 months later...I had started dating a wonderful guy. We had been dating a month. We went to a wedding and went to the bar. We came home and went into my room. It was July so the window was open. First, him and I had never had sex. We fooled around, but never did anything that could be called sex. I had a few to drink, so I was a little on the ummm horny side. I took off my dress and bent over and kissed him. Outside my bedroom window came my ex's voice "That is my wife you are fucking". My then boyfriend turned to the window and said, "what are you going to do about it". My ex said "Im going to fucking kill you.", he then punched through the window with what we think was a box cutter. Needless to say...911 was called and about 10 cop cars later.. they couldnt find him, because I did not know he had a new car.<br /><br />2003 he finally turned himself in. He was found guilty of criminal damaging and menacing. He appealed and lost. He is still wanted, because he failed to show for sentencing.(His original sentence was 90 days, 60 days suspended with 30 served under house arrest. The 60 days were suspended as long as he had no contact with me or my then boyfriend. Oh btw..they tried to plea bargin with him..and the only reason he wouldnt take the plea was because he didnt want to pay for the screen and he didnt want the no contact stipulation.(How smart was he?LOL)<br /><br />While he was in court for the charges, he was served with a temporary protection order...I had tried to get a protection order a few times, but he dodged service(answering the door and saying he was his cousin..and that he was in another state, etc.). With CPOs, if the person is not served...it is not in effect. Boy was he ticked that he got served! Later that year...I got my divorce finally(he dodged that service too), and the CPO hearing. He was going to fight the CPO but something happened on the way into the court room. His lawyer pulled him aside...they came in and said that they agreed to it. My attorney thinks that his lawyer said that he would not represent him in the appeal unless he agreed. This was the last time I saw him..<br /><br />I still look over my shoulder, or if Im outside at my house and hear a sound in the woods, I still get scared. I worry Im going to run into him..but thankfully never have.<br /><br />A leapord doesnt change his spots..and this is proof. During all these court hearings...he kept talking about his fiancee. I think to make me jealous...didnt work. I felt sorry for her.... About two months after all this ended...I was looking up stuff on the court site to see what was going on with him...She had filed a CPO against him too.<br /><br />All this comes to head because..she contacted me. Turns out..he beat her too. She also told me that they were never engaged(she has since married), in fact...she never loved him. We traded stories..and so much was similar..good thing for her..she got out when she did.<br /><br />There is soooo much more to the abuse. Threats against me and my family if I left. There were letters he sent to my family filled with lies and half truths(he wrote in the letter to my sister that I said my dad was having an affair, and that I was a prostitute a few years before...He told her that I said my mom was a druggie and alcoholic and was doing all this while she was prego with me...you get the picture). I am currently working on a book to detail many of the other things. I am hoping to colaborate with the girl he dated after me.<br /><br /><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">UPDATE: 2008-I received a letter from yet another victim of my ex. She was unfortunate and married him after all too. Even more unfortunate they had a child together. He had the baby with him and was trying to convince the courts she was insane and incapable of raising a child. (He had made claims to everyone I knew that I was crazy, and had my psych convinced of this too..leading me to be on a ton of drugs. I have since been cleared by the psych to be compeletly and totally insane...though some of my friends might argue! LOL j/k). She was asking for my help. Since I now have a daughter, I was afraid that would put her in harms way. The only help I could offer her was emotional support, and anything in regards to courts, I could not do unless it was done anon. I have not heard from her since)</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span>Ok...I hope you have gotten this far if you need to(if you dont need to..thanks for reading my ramblings). If you needed to read this..I wrote this because I want those of you to know that are in this situation...you can get out! They do not change. I know. I went back 3 times because he said he had changed.<br /><br />If he has you feeling trapped because of money or transportation...there are ways around that. You can do it without him. He will not be the charming, loving guy you met...no matter how much you wish he will.<br /><br />Please call the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE(7233). Please read this on their website about using the computer to look for help<a href="http://www.ndvh.org/help/warning.html" style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 102, 204); ">http://www.ndvh.org/help/warning.html</a>. (I had used the library computer a few times)<br /><br />You dont deserve to be abused. Whether it be physically, mentally, verbally, emotionally, or even spiritually. Please make the call and be safe. If you have kids..dont let them grow up seeing this going on. Statistics show that they will likely grow up to be abusers, or be abused..because that is what they think is the "norm".<br /><br />If nothing else..I hope I have helped at least one person</div>A Big Ball of Stresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060901313354392903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29859381.post-75482763650141392672009-02-15T23:12:00.003-05:002009-02-15T23:27:31.284-05:00Mother WarriorsRecently I watched an Oprah show that was about Jenny McCarthy's book about her son who had autism. Jenny talked about Mother warriors. One thing that Jenny had mentioned that she not only talks about warrior mom with kids with autism, but single mom's, mom's with certain struggles, etc....<div><br /></div><div>Jenny was VERY powerful, and I hope that one day I will be able to read her book. I really never knew much about her because to be honest, I never paid attention to her when she was acting and such. But I sat just absolutely awwstruck while I watched her on Oprah. She is a very strong woman and very real it seems. She is now my most favorite single mom in the world.(Though she does have an amazing man beside her, Jim Carrey).</div><div><br /></div><div>Jim came out towards the end of the show and I saw a whole new side of him. I have always loved Jim Carrey, and loved watching him in interviews. He would be all over the place and loved when he would catch the interviewer off guard. But this interview gave me a huge all new respect for him in many ways.</div><div><br /></div><div>I have to respect him because he was willing to stick to it when Jenny's son was uncapable of showing him the attention that he loves. He was willing to stay beside Jenny even though he is not the boys father...it would have to be hard. But the things he had to say about one lady that was on the show, about Jenny and about other mother warriors just made me realize how real he is.</div><div><br /></div><div>He said that he knew right in the beginning even with Evan's autism that they were meant to be together. Whenever he'd ask himself something the answer was always yes..and he knew that meant it was right. "Do I want to see her tomorrow?" yes, "Do I enjoy being with her?" yes....The love he has in his eyes for Jenny and Evan is so apparant that it brought tears to my eyes. He also talked about how single mom's often limit the universe by saying things like "There are no good men left", "There is noone right for me", etc...The universe that created the starts and plants the world, and us...Can not be limited. How freaking cool is that?</div><div><br /></div><div>So..if I could say anything to Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carrey, I would say..Thank you for sharing your strength and your love for each other...and giving us mother warriors hope for a good life.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span></div>A Big Ball of Stresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060901313354392903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29859381.post-37471101901384307172009-02-14T19:56:00.004-05:002009-02-14T20:44:11.741-05:00Just for a little while.....There is only one person that reads my blog that I know IRL. She is a schoolmate that I forgot that was on my twitter account. I THINK she would be shocked at what I am about to write...and I know most people who know me IRL, would be shocked...<br /><br />I'm down..this has been going on for a few weeks..I think most of it is the stress from school, plus I keep digging myself a deeper hole by becoming apathetic because the stress is becoming more than I can handle it seems. I hide my depression real well around others, and sometimes I wish I didn't, but I don't want others to feel sorry for me..but I feel like I'm ready to crack.<br /><br />Amazingly, I feel nothing about the fact that I am single on Valentine's day. I really don't care that I am single...except for the fact I need held. I need my hair stroked while I cry into a sympathetic shoulder. I need someone to listen while I whine about everything that is getting me down, school, money, single mommyhood, a child who is becoming more and more defiant, and not to mention that I am mourning my childhood. <br /><br />Childhood should have been happy, but for me it was very traumatizing and sad. I started downloading 80s hair band music...and amazingly that has seemed to make this depression worse. <br /><br />So just for a little while, I would like to have someone to wrap his arms around me and do all that I mentioned. I only have one real true friend IRL. Yeah, I have some people in my life that I talk to every day (basically at school), but none of them can really relate to my whole situation, not to mention that I just don't think they will get it. The least of my stressors is the mommy thing, and those that do have kids or are single moms..yeah they can relate to that..but there is so much more.<br /><br />I so want to call <a href="http://morningmom.blogspot.com/2009/02/talk-about-catching-you-offguard.html">Harry</a> and ask him to come hang out with me tonight while I cry. He is the only person in the world that I could trust yet not to expect something, or make things more complicated. Despite what he revealed to me in my Harry and Shirley post, he is certainly a true friend and someone I can depend on. In fact, he called me last night and we talked for a few hours. He straight up told me that even since I do not want to engage in the whole thing with him and Shirley, he is my friend..and will be there for me no matter what. Yeah he wants more, but he can understand and he wants to be there for me as a friend only if that is the way it is. I just can't call him, because he is probably spending Vday with Shirley, second, I have a hard time opening up to others (the blog is different, because most of you I will not ever meet, heck maybe none of you), and finally, I don't trust myself. I am depressed and I may do something I would regret with him. So instead I will sit here tonight study(or attempt to..)play games or cry.<br /><br />To everyone else...happy valentine's day. May your year be full of love.A Big Ball of Stresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060901313354392903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29859381.post-80775375703347206942009-02-10T13:25:00.001-05:002009-02-10T13:49:51.443-05:00Dear Wilma (Commenter)I received a comment back on February 2 that I did not see because Haloscan has not been nice to me lately and tells me when I receive comments, so I am a little slow about responding but I wanted to respond to this one.<div><br /></div><div>I wrote a post awhile back about the <a href="http://morningmom.blogspot.com/2007/11/top-reasons-its-hard-being-single-mom.html">Top Reasons It's Hard Being a Single Mom</a>. And Wilma responded to it by saying the following:</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">"</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">What are you complaining about? Sounds like you have it pretty easy. Try being a single mom of 2, working full-time and not being able to go back to school because you can't afford to go part-time or quit your job in order to take classes. I have no help, my mother has been dead 10+ years, siblings live out-of-state, children's father live out-of-state and my father is too sick to even care for himself. There is no "alone or down time" and forget a "night out", what's that? You should appreciate your situation and the help your mother gives you, there are a lot harder lives out there than yours, try mine!"</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11px; line-height: 20px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">MY RESPONSE:</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Wilma, I am sorry you have it so hard. It sucks that things are not what you want them to be, and I respect your wanting to give me your opinion, just as I should be respected for my opinion. Yes I have been blessed with a family that helps out, and I am very thankful for that, but it doesn't take away fromt he fact that it is still hard. My blog is from my viewpoint, not yours, Steve, Mary's, or George's. I can only write about what *I* know.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">To address a few things...I have only had a night out 8 times since Sunrise has been born, and 3 times in the last 2 years. So I don't take pitty on you for not having nights out. Yes my mom does help out, and yes I am very thankful for her, but she does not help out as much as one thinks. She works many hours in order to keep health insurance for her and my father. My father has heart problems and is a business owner, so to have insurance that he purchases would be outlandish. I only ask my mom for things when I no longer have any alternatives.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">As far as school goes, anyone can go back to school, it is just a matter of finding a way to do it. That excuse does not wash for me. When I graduate and start working full time, I will be going back to school to further my education. At that time, I will not be having as much assistance from my family as I do...but I know it can be done. I challenge you to try and find the resources to do so.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">I am sorry that you are bitter towards me because you think I have it so good...but you are mistaken in thinking just how good I have it. I never stated I have it harder than anyone else...what I did say is that it is hard, and any single parent that reads my blog will agree. It maybe hard for me in one aspect, but easy for someone else in another aspect...ask any of my single blogging friends, I am sure they will agree. In fact, I am sure this will elicit comments from my blogging friends to state just how they have it difficult too.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">I wish you luck in finding happiness. I hope that this bitterness that you hold against those who have it "easier" will be lifted. Walk a mile in my shoes, then you can criticize me...I don't criticize you because your shoes are apparently to small for me to walk in.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Oh yeah...and check out why<a href="http://morningmom.blogspot.com/2007/11/things-i-love-about-being-mom.html"> I love being a Mom</a>...I don't always complain.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Good Luck</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 11px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Dawn</span></div>A Big Ball of Stresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060901313354392903noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29859381.post-64490972765382524642009-02-09T18:52:00.002-05:002009-02-09T19:00:34.756-05:00"Excuse me sir...but where is UP??"That is what I feel like lately. I feel like I am slipping into depression again, and I know the reasons, but unfortunatly for me, depression is a vicious cycle.<div><br /></div><div>My depression is not what people who have never experienced depression THINK that it is. My depression is characterized simply by the loss of desire to do ANYTHING. Which really sucks when you are in nursing school. Let me tell you.</div><div><br /></div><div>My depression also is characterized by easily overwhelmed. Take for instance, today, I came home from open lab, with complete plans to study for the rest of the day. No go...I laid on the couch and fell asleep to endless episodes of Max & Ruby, Blue's Clues, Little Bill, and Pinky Dinky Doo...(have I said lately how much I love my cable??)</div><div><br /></div><div>So at one point, I decided it was time to crawl off the sofa and sit at the computer and start to go through my reader to check out what everyone has been doing in their lives since I have gone into this depression......only to find well over 1,500 posts that I have not read!! HOW THE HELL????? I check the date...and there staring me in the face was the last date that I read blogs...January 24th....JANUARY 24th...DID YOU SEE THAT??? That is over 2 weeks of not reading blogs...So I read through all my single mom blogs haphhazardly...and decided I really needed to do something about this.</div><div><br /></div><div>So...I am going to have to do a catagory a day, plus writing more, and studying...I need to carve this time out for myself.</div><div><br /></div><div>Since the whole Harry and Shirley thing...I am like....REALLY horney...Damnit! How does one get over that?? Sure I could call them...but not my bag of tea...so instead...I look to my dear old BOB. LOLOLOLOL</div><div><br /></div><div>2 more weeks and the semester is over..and maybe then I can get my shit together and figure out what end is up......in the mean time....Could someone PLEASE point me the way???</div>A Big Ball of Stresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06060901313354392903noreply@blogger.com0