Sunday, January 06, 2008

Happy Birthday My Special Princess

Dear sweet little girl...

When I found out I was pregnant with you there was a mixture of emotions. I cried at first because I was not sure I could handle being a single mom...but I was so happy because I was told at one time that they did not think I would be able to have children. I held my breath every day as it passed...Worried that tragedy would hit and you would not join me in the world..but you were strong and you held on. Even in the womb you were very set in your ways. You did not like when they strapped the fetal monitor on you. You just were not having it! There were many times over the 9 months that you would let it get on you..but within minutes it was a game between you and the nurses of hide and seek. I laughed..but I still said you were grounded when you were born!

In December of 2005 I started on a journey of difficulty. I was in and out of the hospital...for most of December. My blood pressure kept going sky high whenever I was at home..but when we would get to the hospital it would drop. One time they even thought I had a stroke, because I arrived at the hospital with a bloodpressure of 177/117, and the left side of my face was drooping and paralyzed. Thankfully it was only Bells Palsy..and that was a minor thing. When I was in the hospital I was on constant monitoring with the fetal monitor...Ohhhhh how many times Id be asleep and the nurses would have to come in and adjust the monitor in order to get back your heartbeat. Often when I was awake, I would do it myself...so they would not have to come back in.

Finally on January 2, 2006 I went to the doctors office and my blood pressure was back up. The doctor said she was sending me back to the hospital(this was the 8th time in a month that I had to go to L&D because of my bp). For 2 days they debated on what to do..since you were due on the 21st. They did an amnio and found that you were ok to be born. On January 5th, early morning they sent me over to L&D and started to try to induce, Memaw came and stayed with me all night, just in case you decided to come, but alas you decided to be stubborn. They were just so worried about the blood pressure...Soooo January 5th I started having contractions. Finally after being on pitocin all day on January 6th, the doctor on call said he wanted to do another day of induction, but the residents werent sure that was a good idea, so they called the next doctor on call for her decision and she said that we would go ahead and do the csection. I was so excited that I didnt think I could wait another day to meet you! So at 5:15 they wheeled me in to the operating room. Memaw was by my side. Funny story that you can tease Memaw about when you get older. Memaw was told by the doctors not to touch anything blue because it was sanitized and steral...Well while we waited anxiously Memaw had her camera..and soon as they pulled you out Memaw grabbed the camera and the doctors again reminded her not to touch the blue drape across...She kept grabbing it and pulling it down because she wanted to get as many pictures of her beautiful baby grand daughter. When they brought you up so I could see you..you were beautiful(even not being biased..you know there are many ugly babies..LOL). But you were the most beautiful child I had ever seen. I cried. I was so happy to see you. When they told me you were healthy..I was so happy! After they wheeled us into recovery..I held you and could not believe that you were here. I was so in love with you. I could not imagine being without you ever.

All I kept thinking was ....You and me against the world baby

You are very special. You are beautiful..you are sweet...loving. You are very determined. You know what you want. You know when to give mommy a kiss when she needs it the most. You know what to say and when to say it.(though most of the time it doesnt make sense..lol). The nights when I need to have my beautful child next to me at night..and you wake up...I go to your bed and ask if you want to sleep with mommy...you pop up so fast with arms out stretched. You lay down beside me...give me a kiss and put your arm on me..and pat my arm. It is as if you know I needed you.

I love you darling...I cant wait to see what the world has to offer us. The next few years are going to be rough with me going back to school..but honey, it will be so better for us in the long run. I will be able to give you things that you want and need when you get older.

I love my dear sweetheart. I wish for you in the next year(and forever...)to continue the feel the love that mommy has for you. To feel the love that Memaw, Papaw, David, Trent and even Jennie have for you.

Happy Birthday Darling!

1 Comments:

Blogger Cat said...

all the best for u and ur baby :) xxxx

5/10/2012 5:27 AM  

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