Saturday, March 22, 2008

I'm a single mom and PROUD!

There is a controversy going on over at Ms. Single Mama on whether children of single kids will be worse off then children of 2 parents...

This is a very hot button for me, and often have a hard time putting my emotions in check in this area.(As some of you Doodlebug mom's may remember).

A gentleman on there who has made the comment along the lines of the children will not be happy essentially. He seemed to not be happy with MSM's proud to be a single mom post. Which leads me to many questions. I am not going to put my whole reply here...but one thing I wanted to post here, that I did have in the comments...

Though our situation is not is important for us to have a positive view of our situations. If we are not happy being a single parent or not proud of the situation we are in, then our children will pick up on this, and allow it resonate into their lives, especially as they get older.

A perfect example of this is two parents who are married, but really just co-exist in their relationship. Showing no love, no emotion, no anything. They stay together, simply "for the children". Do you know what this does to the children? It tears them up! I know this for a fact.

My parents, for many years, seemed to have just coexisted. Probably from my teen years..until I was about 30...I don't ever recall much positive emotion there. They argued quite a bit, even though they tried to hide it...I was not stupid.

This had lead to what I feel was part of my issues with relationships with men. I never really knew how to be in a relationship. My first marriage, we had issues....Boy did we have issues.(Some day I will post the craziness there), and when it all broke down...we simply coexisted.(unfortunately this was very early into the marriage) While he grew up in a house that the parents did not get along either...I believe he probably came from the same situation as I did.

My parents more love then I had seen for probably 15 or more years. Which is much more easier for me to live with them, knowing my mom's needs are being met emotionally(though I feel she still holds some resentment from those years).

I digress...if I show my daughter total disappointment in myself, humiliation, and distraught...She will pick up on this, and either feel that she did this to me by being born...or she will have these feelings towards me too.

I refuse to be negative in any way. I refuse to get involved with a man ...just so she has a father figure in her life.

Don't tell someone they shouldn't be proud for being what they are, regardless if it is being a single mom or any other thing in life that some is.

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