Thursday, June 05, 2008

To Quit or Not To Quit....

THAT is the question.

Things today have certainly made me ponder this question more and more. Eventually I am going to have to quit, but Im thinking it would be in my sanity's and my daughter's best interest to do it sooner than later. Money would be tight to say the least...but it could be done.

Few things to consider first...
I work for an organization that does online auctions. I have worked there 3 years. Our hours are 8-4:30..where if someone local wants to pick something up ..they can do so between 9-2. Now...the 8-4:30 is not set in stone..it is just something we do. Currently I work 2 hours after school on Monday and Tuesday...8-4:30 Wed and thurs and 12-4:30 on Fridays. Which as you can understand...appointments are hard to make before/after school or work. This also sucks...because by the time I pick up Sunrise...get her home...somehow come up with something nutrious for dinner..though hard to cook with so little time...eat, get her cleaned up, dishes done...bath if needed...shower for me... her to bed....Then maybe..I can study. This usually ends up being 8:30 usually...and I am exhausted and usually can not get the energy to study.... soooooo...I lay down fall asleep...and the day starts all over again.

On Monday & Tuesday...our class usually gets out at 1..but the class is scheduled until 2...so I am scheduled to work at 2:30(which is stupid..because I get a half hour lunch during class, and work is literally 2 minutes around the corner from school). When I started school..my boss said.."Im flexible"...blah blah...So..for the first 2 weeks, I walked in early from school..and went to work(my work does not HAVE to be done at any certain time...Heck..if the building was open..I could do it at midnight..... My boss let me do it for a few days..but then started bitching about it. "If your class is suppose to be until 2..you should be there until 2". So...I started leaving...driving 4 miles home...watching tv for an hour...then driving 5 miles back to work(work and school are around the corner from each other)...just to work 2 hours which is usually me just trying to find SOMETHING to do..because the daily posts are done for the day by then. I have asked to just take Monday and Tuesday off..but no go. Which is absolutely stupid..because it isnt like we have to man a register..phone..or computer...the items go up for auction, that is the most important thing.

Tuesday I decided I needed my eyes checked...I have a very small window of opportunity after work to do anything like this(Sunrise has to be picked up by 5:30..)...So I told my boss that i wanted to not take my lunch and leave 30 minutes early the next day(Wednesday). This is NOT the first time I have done this...but this IS the first time that this has been a problem in her eyes. Suddenly, I get attitude...Ok whatever...No more not taking a lunch to leave 30 minutes early. Bitch.

After leaving 30 minutes early yesterday, today I am at work...Sunrises daycare calls and says she needs picked up. She has a rash around her mouth and they want her seen by a doctor to make sure it isnt impetigo. My boss's desk is right beside mine, so she can hear this conversation. So I call my mom, and she is on her way to work...she cant go get her. Which leaves me...I get a hold of her doctor and get her an appointment at 11:40(it's 10). Fine. Hang up the phone...the conversation went something like this...

Me: Boss...what do you want me to do?(Meaning...work wise..I can stall 15 minutes to help you out...whatever you need).

Her: I have to go somewhere(part of her job type of place..not that it matters, because she didnt have to be there because I left, we have another girl in the office) I dont know...what are you going to do? (With a very snide voice) You left early yesterday!

Me: I dont know. (pause...trying not to lose it at this point) Then I stand up and grab my purse....

Her: What are you going to do?

Me: I have to go get her...she has an appointment at 11:40...I dont know what is going on.

Her: Ok fine. Im leaving in an hour

Me: I'll call you on your cell..and let you know

And I leave...long story short..Sunrise is allowed to go back to daycare.(there will be a post on this later...) I leave the doctors office and call Boss and say "I am taking her back to daycare and I will be back in" all she said was "Ok" and we hung up. When I got back to work..she never asked anything about it...and she didnt leave because the place would fall down IF one of us isnt there(very sarcastic). When I got there she decided to leave and go do her visit. I think tomorrow I will be written up for leaving work early 2 days in a row(though I dont believe the day I left 30 minutes early...is leaving early).

On Monday...I have a doctor's appointment that I scheduled 2-1/2 weeks ago. The plan is..that I will come in early from class(even if I have to leave class early...if she doesnt let us go early), work my 2 hours..and go to my appointment. When I reminded her of this..she kinda grunted "fine". I have an appointment at 3:15 on the 18th of this month...which is the latest appointment that I can get(for DJFS). I know..I tried. My case manager said that he leaves at 4...So no choice there. Now...if Sunrise has what I think she has...she is going to see a specialist and go through a bunch of tests...which could mean more doctor appointments....Ohhh my boss is going to be pissed... but what can I do? Oh yeah..did I mention that because of her nastiness lately..Sunrises' ear has been draining real bad..and I have been trying to wait to take her to the ENT at the end of the month when I have some time off of school, so I dont piss off the boss again???(Bad for me to do...I know..but she is getting her ear drops)

So if you got this far...the issues are...first...it is too hard to work this schedule and study...second...my boss decides when she wants to make rules...and enforce them...usually at the last minute....AND she is not compassionate when it comes to taking my daughter to the doctor. We will not mention here that TWICE I have gone to work with pneumonia....One time because she just HAD to take a day off, and when I called her from ER and told her what was going on, her response was "If you call off tomorrow I will kill you".. The second time...I felt guilty to even call off with pneumonia, because it would just make her mad. So both times I have gone to work very ill...and should have been in bed with a cup of soup and a vaporizer. Anytime that I am sick...I go to work anyways and try to make it anyways....usually she will not even acknowledge my hacking and coughing. Until a couple days later when she starts feeling sick, and it is my fault for giving it to her...and she goes home. But...she isnt feeling good...and she is on her way out the door to go home and to bed. Oh yeah..and her 13 year old gets the stomach flu...she calls off. Oh yeah..one more thing..when I was hospitalized with pneumonia last summer..I was in the the ICU step down unit...I was doped up on morphine...I had my mom call her, but I had to call her and let her know because I felt guilty because it pisses her off if someone else calls you off(though I know that this was an exception..but i was so worried Id pissher off...so I called anyways.)

I got to talking to my mom and dad tonight...and my mom is just flabergasted that a) On days I get out of class early, I can not go to work early to do what I gotta do so I can go home. b)Sunrise is asked to leave daycare(btw..this isnt the first time I have had attitude after receiving a call from daycare)and I get an attitude. c) that I can not take 30 minute lunch at the end of the day. and finally d) that she makes up rules as she goes.

The other girl in the office was floored at the way my boss talked to me today when I had to leave. She was frustrated herself with the whole situation. She is worried about me and all the stress I am under because of the job, school and trying to raise a little girl alone. The fact that my boss is changing rules out of the blue...totally flabergasted. (My boss has done this to her too on a different situation..so that adds fuel to the fire). She says that she thinks our boss has multiple personalities LOL

So my thought is..though it would be tough with money, but doable...I should quit. It would save me gas money because I wouldnt be going anywhere 2 days a week...and I wouldnt have to travel home for an hour M&T..then turn around and go back that way...with gas prices like they are...it would help. It would save me stress of dealing with her shit...and it would free up quite a bit of time to study.

After reading this..it sounds like I am being petty...but I think the situation is worse then it sounds. Imagine getting the silent treatment(ok..not quite silent..but no conversation beyond what was necessary)..attitude...and generally feeling like you are indebted to someone who does not even pay you 8/hour! Sorry...but I can quit, easily find a job as a CNA at the hospital making more money...and working hours that would work with doctors appointments and school...so what is the problem?? Guilt...I know if I leave her..she is going to be stressed to no ends. Not to mention...she may have to cancel her vacation here in a few weeks....why the hell can I not get rid of this guilt?

I know it isnt my boss's fault that I am a single mom...but I am...why cant she work with me, instead of making me feel stressed about it?

Am I asking too much? Am I crazy? Am I being petty? I should really think about me and my child first...but I have such a sense of responsibility to her..that I cant do what I gotta do...including calling off when I am sick!

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