Thinking Like a nurse...

(Please forgive this and the other following posts I post tonight..they maybe long winded, because I am sitting here high on Vicodin for a bad toothache I have...)

Tonight, I am sitting here with a bad toothache and a ton of things running through my mind, hence to more than one post today this early morning.

One thing that is coming to my mind is my fellow students. I feel bad for most of them.  They are having a very hard time with our nursing class. Half of them received interim reports stating that they are failing our class. Yes...50% of them. It isn't hard to fail the class, because a 76% is failing for the nursing classes.  I feel bad for them, but I am relieved that I am not one of them. We have had 3 quizzes and so far I have received an 88, 90 and a 90. I do not know how I do it, but I do. I'm very good at critical thinking, which is very important for nurses to have. I may not completely know the answer to the questions, but I have a keen ability of deductive reasoning..and I can see both sides of every answer to figure out which one it is...I invited one of my classmates over for a study session this weekend to try and help her out. I need to get even better scores on the last 2 quizzes because our final, is worth 50% of our grade! I need that padding, so I won't be too stressed taking the final.  I am going to prepare hard for it, but I am afraid stress will make me both cranky/angry, depressed, and I am afraid I will blank out if I stress too much.

Anyways..So tonight after Sunrise finally went to sleep...My toothache kicked in, I took Vicodin and for some reason I can not sleep. So I pulled out a good novel my drug guide...and started reading about every drug I have taken, Sunrise has taken, or that is on the list of things to try, which was sad in itself...but do you know what is worse??  I ENJOYED IT! LOL I mean really...who reads a drug guide to try and fall asleep?? Now I am getting ready to watch videos on some procedures we have to do in lab tomorrow. Yes, I am going to watch a video on how to give a bed bath. LOL  Earlier...I watched the videos on how to do catheters..and it was completely for education purpose, not to take a peek at a penis, which it has been a while since I have seen. (UGH and it is driving me freaking CRAZY! LOL)

Well..I think I am going to read a blog or two, maybe read some nursing boards, and watch some procedures. Wow I am pathetic! LOL

For the record...

The test that I thought I failed yesterday, I got an 82.  <sigh> But I'm still not happy. Though the average was a 77. I am relieved that I didn't fail it....but....

My therapist will be disappointed in me. I am such a perfectionist in some things(like my grades), that it sometimes brings me down if I dont meet my own expectations I know that 82 is good(even though a 76 would be failing because that is how nursing school works usually...lol)but it is just not good enough.

Of course, this comes from my dad.  For example...a test I had last semester, he asked what I got...and I said...87 and his response was....Ohhhhh you just missed it.

A&P is kicking my butt..or am I doing it?

And it hurts!  However, when I think about it, I think I'm kicking my own butt! 

I want sooooo bad to get all A's in school.  So bad, that I think I am being too hard on myself, but I can not get out of the A mindset. 

For instance, I studied my butt off for this test today.  I felt like I was ready to ace it! Got to class, and took it. 

I walked out of there and felt like a freaking truck hit me.  Everyone else did too.  In fact, when we returned after the test was over(those of us that finished it before the hour was up, were allowed to leave for the remaining time), we had a mutiny.  The test was HARD, there were things on the test that she said weren't and things she said would be weren't.  I was sure that I failed it.  There were questions that I left blank.  I could not even come up with something that sounded right.  I was so freaking disappointed in myself.

Well..just checked the grade online and I got an 85.  That just isn't good enough.  I know it is.  I know it is a great grade, especially when the average was a 61...but I just feel like a failed.  She probably could have giving me a 50 and I still would feel the same. Like a failure.

I don't know why I am so hell bent on getting all A's.  Yes it is something that is good to have, but shouldn't a B be good enough if I tried my hardest?  Why can't I accept this?

I think that all of my failures in life(or if your a half full type of person..."life lessons"), has caused me to worry about being perfect, and it is so disappointing that I am not.  Not that I think that I am...but I want to be, and that is a crazy dream.