PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME!!!

First, this is the least important(maybe second)blog I wrote tonight..so please don't just read this one and move on..I have written several blogs tonight...

I need help with my blog...

I first need to figure out how to adjust my width. I have tried everything I could find on the internet for doing it...but it doesn't work! UGH...

Second..if someone could give me some insight on how the heck to creat your own template. I know html..but I use Dreamweaver to create websites..and I had a way that I wanted to do it...but the Blogger Gods, just didnt like it or something. I downloaded my current template to just do some adjusting on that..but the template did not show in dreamweaver, so I had nothing to work with.

Any blogger gurus out there have any advice for me?? Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...I dont know what..but if someone helps me...I'll give you a prize. I just gotta find something I want to get rid of that would make it worth your while :)

Anyone give me some clue on what the heck to do???

Demons always come back to haunt you..

Am I the only person in the world..who writes several posts in one night? I did this because there were a few that deserved their own posts...so please bare with me on the multiple posts tonight..

I have had a heavy heart today..I'm conflicted on so many levels.



As some of you have read in my domestic violence post, I have had a lot happen to me in my marriage. This post only touched on a lot of it.



The lady that contacted me, that dated my ex(who we shall call Demon), and I have discussed writing a book. Starting with my story...and ending with hers. As you can tell, I am not a very good writer, so this is my first hurdle. The second hurdle is that I don't even know where to start. Finally the third hurdle is...I'm afraid of opening wounds. Wounds that up until now have not been opened since I left Demon the last time.


I am seeing a therapist for depression and post traumatic stress disorder. She has told me that when I tell the stories of things that has happened, that I tell them in a reporter, matter of factily type of way..which would help with writing the story..but I tell these stories like this because I do not "feel" the way I should. I havent really dealt with the feelings whole heartedly, and I am afraid to feel the feelings that come with surviving domestic violence. This is my first issue of conflicting feelings. I need to decide whether I am willing to risk opening those wounds to try to heal myself...and more importantly help others.



Second conflicting feeling is that I have paperwork..tons and tons of paper work. From when I left my ex at the beginning: cards, love letters, promises of changes, you know...all the boohoo I did you wrong stuff. And I also have paperwork from after he found my then boyfriend in my bedroom: the nasty letters, the pretending to be me in pm's to friends, the nasty letter to my sister telling lies, half truths, and very personal truths to my sister. Also, I have in this case, some diary type items where I tell my thoughts, feelings and fears about the whole ordeal. I found this paperwork as I tried to do some more clean sweeping of my bedroom(SNOW WHY ARENT YOU HERE HELPING???). I look at it, and think...I need to get rid of this...This is my past, this is like holding onto my past for no good reason...he is out of your life completely and has been for 5 years legally and 7 years since I left him. Time to let it go.....BUT then I think hmmm...but it reminds me what I came through. How I survived...what I endured...things that should make me strong. Not to mention it would help with the book, I think. So here I sit..looking at this stuff, trying to decide...do I shred it...do I burn it...do I pack it up and put it in storage..do I keep it at hand like I have for the past 5-7 years...I just cant decide what to do.



I guess I am looking for someone to give me a difinitive answer..but I know, noone can answer this but myself, and that royally SUCKS!



Question for you readers...Dont worry, I know you dont know what to do with this stuff, so Im not asking you that...My question is...What do you think about a book that is about a woman enduring domestic violence...and then a story of another woman suffering by the same hands of the demon..and them meeting to form a relationship that would help them both recover(for a lack of a better term). Especially those of you who are writers..or have a literature background...How does that sound to you?? I know it isn't a book most of you would pick up and go "hmmmm I think this sounds like a good book to read." So I'm just looking for a concept opinion.

Stop..Loss

There is a movie coming out called Stop Loss. This movie is so important for me to see. From what I can see from the previews it is a little like my brothers story.





My brother was 5 months from being discharged from the Army, when they told him he was stop loss and would not be able to leave because he was going to Iraq. I can not tell you the emotions that happen to a family who has a loved one in Iraq...but things turned real scarey on May 13, 2005. I remember the day so well, because my mom came to pick me up for my graduation from the University, and the first words out of her mouth were "There has been an accident..but David is ok..we just don't know the extent of his injuries yet". Apparently they got a call early that morning. My dad answered the phone...and the first words he heard were "Hello Sir, this is Sgt SoandSo from the US ARMY, first your son is ok. But there was an attack on his humvee and he was slightly injured". They couldnt really say the extent of his injuries at that point, but they assured us that he would call sometime that day.

Well as you can imagine, during graduation the last thing on my mind was walking across the stage. My mom told me that she had her phone on vibrate, and would have to leave the auditorium if it rang from dad, when my brother called..which of course, was fine by me. I needed to know right away if he was ok. When they did the National Anthem...tears welled up in my eyes. My dad called my mom during the ceremony and said that my brother had called, and he would call in a few hours to talk to my mom directly. He was fine, there was concern for a concussion, he had scrapes, bruises, and a couple of cuts...but he would be fine.

When my mom dropped me off to go home and wait for his call..she left with specific instructions, to tell him HAD to call me. If he didnt want to call me about the attack..he could at least call and congratulate me(can we say guilt tripping him into calling me? LOL). I waited around for several hours...until he finally called. It turned out he was in a humvee, sitting behind the driver when their humvee was hit by a car bomb. One of his good friends was killed, another one had a horrible laceration in his head, and the other had damage to his leg. My brother came out with the least amount of damage. My brother and the others worked hard to put out the fire that was all over the guy that died..but unfortunatly it killed him before it was out.

This is what it looked like after...he is standing beside the driver door, he was sitting behind the driver.

I don't know why I felt it necessary to share...but I am truly and honestly proud of my little brother and all that he has done for our country.

My sister...

Ok, first let's all pray that she does not find my blog...because all hell could break loose, but this has been bothering me for years, but the last 2 weeks...It's been bugging me to blog about it..so here it goes.

My mom has a great relationship with her sisters. I am envious of what they have. I often dream of what it would be like to have this relationship with my sister that they have with each other. I often get so down because of the relationship we have actually.

My sister barely gets along with any of us. I must say that I know that all of us love her...and very much so...but as time goes by, it gets harder and harder to love her.

My sister, from a very young age, has been very mean. Cruel even. She has called me names out of nowhere for no reason. She has no comprehension as to how mean she is to us, all of us. Sunrise hardly acknowledges her when she is here. A 2 year old can sense stuff like that. Of course the fact that she hardly acknowledges Sunrise doesn't help.

She was diagnosed with Bipolar 5 years ago, and they put her on meds for it. For awhile, she was not pleasant but she was tolerable. She was living here at my parents house, and most of the time, I would hide in my bedroom, to avoid her. After I moved back when I was pregnant with Sunrise, she had to move back too. She apparently had gone off her meds. Sunrise and I would hide in our room and hang out here all day and night. Luckily she moved out before Sunrise got REAL mobile...Her and my mother had even gotten physical. It was to the point where I swore, the next time things got physical, I was going to call the police. She accused my parents of not caring about her life(everytime you asked her about something..she'd get defensive and tell you it was none of your business..so no we did not know what her life was like..because we quit asking). She also accused them of caring more about me and my brother then they did her. She THINKS that I got more before she was born, then she ever did, which is hardly true...we were very poor before she was born. My dad worked 12 hour days...my mom worked..and after she was born I was left to babysit constantly for her..and then for her and my brother after he was born.

She thinks my parents give me everything I have. Truth be told...they give me nothing other than a roof over my head, utilities...and sometimes food. They have given her over a thousand dollars when she couldnt pay rent and was facing eviction...or money here and there.

She has called me stupid, moron, idiot, and many other things. It is very painful for me...I would love to have anything that resembled a relationship with her. I would love to be able to call her and say "Hey..just wanted to say hi..how are you doing?". I would have loved for her to visit me in the hospital each time I was in...just to check on me. I would love to have a sister, confidant, friend. I would love to have her to tell my secrets to..and her to tell me secrets. I would love to be able to know that we could take our kids to Chuck E Cheese and hang out while the kids go wild. I would love for us to take the kids to the Circus this weekend, instead of us going at seperate times. I just would love to have my sister...as a Sister. I'm jealous of you that have great relationships with your sisters...and wish I could have the same.

Often, I find myself doing things she asks of me..in hopes that she will change her views. Honestly she is wonderful when she wants something...and shortly after...but given a few days, she returns to her old self. I have gotten to the point, that I am going to start telling her no.

I could not tell you all that she has done to me and my family, but it is heartbreaking that she is like this. I have shed tears over this relationship or lack there of, and wish that she would change. That she would go on meds again at least...to make things pleasant so that I don't hide whenever she comes over(she has moved out again for now)...but I don't forsee it happening anytime soon.

I hate when people aren't online...

Here I am at 12:40AM...and wanting to just chat, and noone is online that I usually chat with.

Sure, I could go into a chat room...but I hate them anymore. Everyone is about drama, it is all meaningless utterance, and to be honest...I don't want to talk to a bunch of men who see me in the chatroom as another target. Sure I wouldn't mind meeting someone...but most men who message me online out of a chatroom, are interested in one thing, and right now...I'm not about that.

In fact, I could care less if it was a female or male to chat with..but alas..noone.

Anyways..just another meaningless post..I know.

I can't wait for picture day...

I was going to take Sunrise to JCPenny to get her photos done, but never got around to it...I really wanted to do it because Id like to get my photo done with her, but it will have to wait until...April 7th Sunrise is getting her picture taken at daycare..and strangely I can not wait! Usually when picture day comes around..for about 3 days before I struggle to find an outfit for her to wear, and settle on something pretty generic, well not this time!

I found the cutest outfit that I am so proud of. It is a red scooter with a small piece of red tulle around the bottom edge, and a white tshirt like shirt with a heart in the middle of the chest that says Love...white tights, and brown mary jane shoes...

I can not get Sunrise to let me do her hair to save my life, but one of her teachers has no problems! I just dont get it..lol. Anyways..she is going to put her hair up in 2 pig tails for me.

I think this photo is going to be sooooooooooo cute! I cant wait! Ok..I guess you people really dont care about up coming photos..I'll be sure to post it when it gets done though! LOL

Everything is up in the air...

First, that great grant program I told you about..On hold.. Apparently my county doesn't just accept schools that approved by the state. Since I have an inside contact from work with the program, they are going to get a hold of the school and try to work with them to getting it approved by the county. I guess this is ok, because I may not get to start..which leads to my next up in the air item...

I may not be able to start school in May as planned. This school is more like a private small school. You can not just schedule classes when they fit in your schedule. You take the classes as a group that you enter with. Don't worry though(not that you all are..lol), I am still considered part of this class, but due to some circumstances I may not be able to start with my class. The circumstance is simple though. Since I already have a degree, I have many of the prereqs already complete. They are going to go through everything that everyone has, and try to make it so that they have at least 6 hours so everyone can start together, but it may not be possible. I will find out April 9th. If I dont start May, then I will more than likely start in July. I hope that i can start in May, but I guess Im ok if it starts in July..I'll just work until then, maybe save up some money. Im just getting ansy and want to get going, because then I will actually feel like Im doing something.

And finally the third thing is my whole medical issues...You see, they cant find my gall bladder. The stupid gastro doctor wouldnt do the proper test to see if my duct was being blocked by a gall stone, so here I sit having gall bladder spasms, which can be painful, but they arent terrible. Though several years ago when this whole thing started..I did have to get admitted into the hospital twice. Which kills me because they didnt bother doing anything about it then either, and I noone informed me in the hospital that they could not find it..so I didnt know until my old records were reviewed by the radiologist who did the first ultrasound. Anyways, I think Im just going to deal with the pain..pray that it doesnt get bad. The worse that can happen is that if it is a stone, it will dislodge and end up in my liver...I do not know how serious this is..but I do know that the tell tale sign is that I will be come jaundice. Soooooo keep me in mind...I dont need this while Im in nursing school.

Im off to write more posts...one that is going to be slightly painful for me.

Are Sex Offender Labelings to strict?

First, this is in NO WAY has anything to do with me, other than the fact that I knew this person 5 years ago..and for some reason I got to thinking about this tonight.

Second, I dont know what I think...Im just curious what others think.

Are the labeling of sex offenders to strict in some cases?

For example..This guy I worked with 5 years ago was labeled a sex offender. When everyone found out at work, everyone freaked out. After all, all that the website said was that his offense was sex with a minor. No other information. I'm sure many people who check the website for their area and see this offender near them...will probably freak.

After doing some research I found out the situation was that he had a birthday..his 18th birthday. For his birthday, his 16 year old girlfriend offered herself to him. Well her mom found out and had charges brought against him(I guess she had issues with him anyways). Now he is labeled a sex offender for the rest of his life. My first thought was, he should have known better...but to be honest he did not have the best of upbringings, which ignorance is no excuse I understand...but then again, he was 18..he should have known better.

If you ask me...both were too young to understand the consequences of their actions. I know when I was 18, sex was a status to other 18 year olds.(Though..for the record I was 20 when I had sex for the first time)

So I wonder if maybe there has to be some other way? I dont know what..but a few ideas are...On the website..stating his age, and the age of his victim at the time of the offense; in certain situations letting this drop off the site after so long; or hmmm something else..I dont know.

I mean think about it...if every single person that had sex with someone in this situation that was not reported...just how long would this list be? Whether you believe in sex before marriage or sex at this young age or not...it happens(no matter how much the parents try to influence otherwise).

Just something I was pondering out of nowhere tonight. What is your thoughts?

Easter..

I guess I should blog about our Easter, since everyone else has so I can remember the day. For the record, I certainly am not whining, because I'm ok with our day, it isn't like there was drama, or anything like that..it just was a day.

Unfortunatly, our day did not seem like anything special. I envy all of you that did the typical fun things for Easter, but we really didn't do much. This will change in the next few years, because I have plans for Easters to come.

Our Easter seemed like just another day with the exception of too much candy! It probably would have been more "traditional" if my mom didn't have to work, because she seems to be more the person that likes to do things. With just Sunrise and I, willing to do "Easter type" things..it was slightly difficult. I probably would have done more, but Sunrise, just wasn't into it. My brother and dad..certainly would just rather sit in their rooms staring at the tv...just relaxing(besides..Sunday is the only day off my dad ever has)

For instance, I set up her Easter basket in the middle of the floor with a few outfits spread all around, in the middle of her play area, thinking that it would get her attention. We got up and came into the room...she looked at the basket and walked right past!

She saw the plastic eggs that I "hid" for her..and through the day, she would get one..shake it and feel that there was something in it. She would bring it over to me, and ask me to open it. Id open it and pretend it was a huge surprise that there were 2 Hershey kisses in there...she'd grab them..and run off. Returning in 15 minutes with chocolate dripping down a smile on her face. She come across another one..and start all over again. I learned from this experience to put some stickers in some of the eggs..or something like that from now on. She is still finding eggs 2 days later and demanding the chocolate in it. LOL I swear this kid has been on a sugar high for 3 days. Now, after 3 days..I think she has found them all..so I have a secret stash of chocolate to hand her every now and then so she can scarf them down at least enjoy them throughout the year.

My plans for next year..or the year after(I'm not sure how well it will go off next year, so we will see)is to do an actual hunt for eggs. My mom used to do this for many years as I was growing up..and I think it is the coolest thing. She would put the first egg out in the open with a rhyming clue to where the next egg was..then so on and so on...Then the final egg would be found with the Easter basket. Over the years, I caught on, that the basket would always end up in the dryer! So as I got older, I would bypass the hunt and go directly to the dryer. Usually I would do this before my parents woke up...so I would do the "hunt" after they got up to humor them..knowing what my basket looked like at the end of the hunt. LOL

I guess I do kinda feel bad that I didnt do the actual fun stuff at Easter, but I swear...from now on, I am going to make the holidays fun and exciting! Im just going to have to learn how..and plan ahead!

What a wonderful princess!

Usually around 7ish every night, Sunrise starts turning into her alter ego, unless she didn't get her nap..then it is earlier. She becomes a monster cranky child. Sometimes it takes all I have to keep her up long enough, so she doesn't go to sleep and wake up a few hours later in the middle of the night.

I put her into bed..and she will usually just lay there. If I leave the room...for hours...I go in to check on her..and I hear this little small voice in the dark saying "nigh nigh..uv you". So..the monster cranky child, becomes a very loving child, and I ask myself..why in the world, did I think it was bedtime. On occasion she will cry and want up..but that is usually when she is way past the point of exhaustion.

Well not tonight..

Around 7..I waited for the witching hour to beginning. Nothing...she was running around...dancing to Bubbies..(for those of you non parents...that is Teletubbies in toddler speak). So I decided OK, well it is Friday, and if she goes to bed late I can sleep in I don't have to worry about trying to drag her out of bed in the morning to get ready for daycare..

8:00 comes around..and she comes up to me and gives me one of her random kisses(gotta love those random kisses)..and trots off. I said to myself "Self"(that is what I call myself) "Self...it's only 8..I she can sleep in tomorrow."

9:00 comes around..now I am searching through the on demand channels for Boobah and Teletubbies...cuz this means I get to sleep in she is having fun..and being a wonderful child. Why ruin her fun now?

Now I'm thinking also, that papaw will be home soon...and she just LOVESSSSSS Papaw...so while she is having fun..she might as well stay up longer so I can sleep in she can see papaw!

I do have to admit that I got enjoyment thinking about sleeping in watching her dance around..and laugh..and babbling chatting with me. She,ok and I, was having fun!

Finally about 10:00 she whined a little bit, after she yawned..and I decided it was time. She went into her bed, laid there for about 20 minutes..and she was out cold.

It was just so much fun watching her tonight dancing around..and exercising.

Sooooo she was asleep by 10:30..and I went to bed so I could get more sleep..since I get to sleep in stayed up all night to read, comment on blogs, write this and another entry...and chat with my friend Yelonda.Chatting with Yelonda is another whole laughable story...Any of you Doodlebug mom's...ask her about Bill Gates and the bag, see if she tells you...LOL

I guess my sleeping in tomorrow..kinda lost it's point(since it is 2:45 AM)...LOL

I'm a single mom and PROUD!

There is a controversy going on over at Ms. Single Mama on whether children of single kids will be worse off then children of 2 parents...



This is a very hot button for me, and often have a hard time putting my emotions in check in this area.(As some of you Doodlebug mom's may remember).


A gentleman on there who has made the comment along the lines of the children will not be happy essentially. He seemed to not be happy with MSM's proud to be a single mom post. Which leads me to many questions. I am not going to put my whole reply here...but one thing I wanted to post here, that I did have in the comments...



Though our situation is not IDEAL..it is important for us to have a positive view of our situations. If we are not happy being a single parent or not proud of the situation we are in, then our children will pick up on this, and allow it resonate into their lives, especially as they get older.



A perfect example of this is two parents who are married, but really just co-exist in their relationship. Showing no love, no emotion, no anything. They stay together, simply "for the children". Do you know what this does to the children? It tears them up! I know this for a fact.



My parents, for many years, seemed to have just coexisted. Probably from my teen years..until I was about 30...I don't ever recall much positive emotion there. They argued quite a bit, even though they tried to hide it...I was not stupid.


This had lead to what I feel was part of my issues with relationships with men. I never really knew how to be in a relationship. My first marriage, we had issues....Boy did we have issues.(Some day I will post the craziness there), and when it all broke down...we simply coexisted.(unfortunately this was very early into the marriage) While he grew up in a house that the parents did not get along either...I believe he probably came from the same situation as I did.



My parents now..show more love then I had seen for probably 15 or more years. Which is much more easier for me to live with them, knowing my mom's needs are being met emotionally(though I feel she still holds some resentment from those years).



I digress...if I show my daughter total disappointment in myself, humiliation, and distraught...She will pick up on this, and either feel that she did this to me by being born...or she will have these feelings towards me too.


I refuse to be negative in any way. I refuse to get involved with a man ...just so she has a father figure in her life.



Don't tell someone they shouldn't be proud for being what they are, regardless if it is being a single mom or any other thing in life that some is.

Clean Sweep Help Me!!

You know that show on TLC(I think)called Clean Sweep?

I need them...BAD. Last week I decided I was going to clean out my bedroom and move EVERYTHING to my storage unit. I figured I better get it done now before school starts. This way, every little thing in my room would consist of my and Sunrises beds...dressers...clothes...tv...and few odds and ends that I need. Well I started it.

After about 2 hours of sorting, I have many one box of things to go to storage. ONE! I have over 50 computer and business books in my room from my schooling previously, and the business I was going to start...I just know that a book on HTML will be needed for one of my nursing classes right? Or a book on Java, or a book on Computer repairs.

Or worse...I need those half empty bottles of lotion that I havent used in years months. Plus if I put them in storage, they will freeze and be no good for those days when I just want to smell like a bowl of fruit. Or how about those clothes that are 2 sizes smaller?? I know that I will have less time to eat junk food while Im in school, so I will need those when I lose all this weight, right?

How about all those little tubs they give you at the hospital. I have like 4 of them. Too small to put anything in, but you never know when those will come in handy.

What about the M&M dispensers that my mom gave me for 3 years straight at Christmas...Sunrise would love to play with those, wont she? I mean she has so very little toys now(yeah right).

And I'll get to organizing the stack of recipes, interesting articles I clipped, or web pages I printed. I'll eventually have time to sort through those during my 2 week summer break wont I?

And then there is the can of pop that I never drank when I was in the hospital having Sunrise. They gave it to me shortly before I left, but never drank. That might come in handy when I need my caffeine fix. Cant get rid of that.

Well ya know my storage unit is quite packed...hmmm I dont think I will have room for all this stuff. Maybe I should just keep it here. I think that would be the best, after all...you just never know.

EXCUSE ME!!!!!

One of my BIGGEST pet peeves is people who stop in the way of everything. For instance, you are walking in a crowded mall, and a group of morons people run into people they know. Do they step off to the side and converse and catch up?? NOoooooooooooooooooo...they stand right in the way! There is nowhere to walk...I get so annoyed and in a loud voice(though Id really like to scream)I say "EXCUSE ME".

Well...I went to the car show a few weeks ago in Cleveland with truck driver. As we are walking out, a group of elderly farts are standing in front of the exit. Of course, I say in a loud annoyed voice EXCUSE ME. And the ladies split off from the guys and continue to walk out through the exit. Now this would have been ok, but right in the exit where there is absolutely NO WHERE to walk at all, the ladies stop to give each other a kiss goodbye(ya know..like loving sisters). They STOP STOP STOP! WHAT THE HECK?? Again, in my same annoyed voice EXCUSE ME. And they continued in their stopped stance and look at me like Im asking them to give me all their money. UGHHHH.

One other thing...what is it with parents and their kids at these shows. I dont know how many kids(12 or 13) were sitting in the cars. Not just sitting in the cars, but seat belts strapped and pretending to take a joy ride. Where are their poor excuse for parents? I mean really. I dont mind a kid getting in for a second to check out the cars, but to sit in them for a while.

I wasnt there to really look at cars to purchase, I was just doing my day dreaming again about the future, but also, I plan on doing alot of research before I make my purchase in 2 years. Id like to get some ideas...and I didnt sit in any cars, except for a few and that was only for a minute, to check it out.

Am I only one of a few people in this world who think about other people?

Super Mom and Crisis Diverted!

I think I have finally got this mom thing down. I learned how to fool my 2 year old, and I am darned proud of it! So darned proud that this happened Friday afternoon...and I have been thinking about it for 2 days! LOL

I stopped at the grocery store real quick before picking up Sunrise on Friday, and got her favorite...grapes! When I get to daycare, she was crabby...I think it is PMS her final teeth coming in...So I get her out to the car as she whines the whole way out, and I start to pull out and decided I couldnt handle this whining all the way home. So I pull out the bag of grapes and give her 3. (Of course..usually I wash the grapes..but one time isnt going to kill her right?) This isnt the crisis...The crisis comes about 3 or 4 servings in, and she drops one beside her. OF course Im driving and can not reach my arm back there to retrieve the lost grape. So it hit me suddenly..>FOOL THE CHILD. So I reach quickly into the bag of grapes..and grab one quickly(at a stop light of course), and pretend to reach beside her and produce the piece of produce, which she simply smiled and said...thank you.

Ahhhhhhh crises diverted!

Prayers...positive thoughts Please

I found out about a program that the government offers in Ohio(and a few other states). It will pay for part of my schooling, 6 dollars a day in gas, help with daycare costs(which I already have covered), and the most important thing..up to 1,000 in car repairs. I guess there are other things, but that is just what I have been told by word of mouth.

The car repair thing is a HUGE thing for me. I am so concerned my car isnt going to make it for 20 months. But if I get approved for this program, I can at least know that I will not be stranded without a car. Not to mention the help with paying part of the school bill, because then I will be able to live off of mostly financial aid, and wont have to work, which is important for me because I will be gone so often that every little bit of time I can spend with Sunrise is going to be very important. Not to mention, once I get into clinicals and school, ughhh how will I fit in work.

So keep me in your thoughts that I will get approved. Financially I am qualified, however me and a few other people are concerned I might have a problem because I already have a degree. If that is an issue, I am going to have to figure out a way to convince them, and prove to them that there is just no jobs in this area for Computers(other than experienced). If my car breaks down while going to school...there is no way I can get to school.(the closest bus stop is about a mile away..not to mention, it doesnt go to Sunrises daycare area at all, and that would be a pain to change daycare). Thanks :)

I'll Catch Up

I dont know why...but I have just been out of it the last few days...But I promise, everyone that has commented(and those I havent had a chance to check out from the party) I will be catching up soon.

You all are nuts!

LOL Most of you are jealous of the snow...but I gotta tell ya..You are nuts! LOL

Come and get it if you want it...I'll happily give it to you for free!!! Lord knows we have enough of it.

It has started melting a little bit, but it is still pretty deep, not to mention our brainiacs wonderful plow guys leaving mounds of snow at the end of the driveway and along the edge of the roads. I know they have nowhere to put it...but wow...did it leave for a pain going to work this morning. And...cheers to the morons those who order salt...who knew we would get a snow storm this winter...I mean, this is Ohio for goodness sakes! We should be basking in weather in 80's by now, shouldnt we?? (for those of you who are not aware of the seasonal dynamics of Ohio...that was extreme sarcasm).

Then I pulled into work...someone needs to fire the company they hired to plow our parking lot!!! They plowed all of the snow down the one side of the parking lot. Well that would be ok, but there are only 2 lanes of parking...so one full lane of parking was GONE! Except for the lazies those who own massive pick up trucks, who seemed to just drive over the mound of snow (2 feet or more higher)so that they could park as close to the door as they could.

On a different note...about 1:30 AM last night...my brat beautiful wonderful child decided to wake up and play...I tried everything to try to get her back to sleep, which I accomplished, right after my alarm clock went off the first time. Sooooo I was up from approx 1:30 AM until 5:30AM, and then up every 9minutes after until 6:15 AM. WHAT THE HECK??? So when I do get her up at 7...she whines and cries and explains to me how the lack of sleep will affect her socializing skills at daycare today.(Ok I made that last part up...she is 2 for goodness sakes! But I know that she would tell me that). So I take her to daycare, through the next town..where the moron person short ordered the salt for this year...my child slept all the way there...Lucky her! Immediatly upon dropping her off...I apologized to her teacher...and turned around and walked away.

THankfully she is asleep by 8 tonight..but yet I'm still up....FOR THE LOVE OF GOD....WHYYYYYYYYYYYY???????

Layouts In The Snow

Ok..the layout isnt IN the snow...it should have read, Layouts AND the snow..but the title caught your attention faster didnt it? I mean...I could see someone going, "What in the world is a layout in the snow?".
Anyways..I decided to change my layout, but I still gotta figure out how to make column widths wider. I dont know which part of the html to change, but I didnt look that hard yet. (I hate that you cant see Sunrise's slide show over there! Ughh I'll figure it out tomorrow(that inevetible word..tomorrow).

Here are a few photos of what the snow over the last 24 hours has done. Im not sure if this shows exactly how deep it is...I think at this point it has gotten to 14-16".

Ok, so the last photo wasnt of the snow, but how could I not put a picture up of that beautiful girl! Well Im off to try and figure out changing the widths...Someone make me go to bed!!!

Snowed In!

Well..Ohio is getting slammed by a snow storm. They are expecting 10-18". Here is sit with Sunrise and wishing I could go somewhere.....anywhere.

Funny thing is..that I dont WANT to go anywhere....I just dont like the inability to go anywhere when I please.

So I am going to sit here and watch bad Saturday afternoon tv....make bread....do laundry...clean and go visit a ton of sites for the Blog party!

It's The Ultimate Blog Party

It's the Ultimate Blog Party.....Welcome! My name is Dawn and this is the first time I have ever done a Blog party...so bare with me.

Ok I must admit, I have NO idea what I am doing with the party. I dont know what Im doing FOR the party...Ok..I admit....Im just plain clueless! But what else is new!

Since this is my first party....I'll just do the basic boring thing...and tell you about me and my life(as boring as it may be). If you go backwards on my blog....please know that I was going through some rough patches...and I'm not usually so mellow.

I am a single mom of a beautiful, spunky, and rambunctious 2 year old. I call her Sunrise. I started calling her Sunrise because for the first 6 months of her life..she would wake up at Sunrise in such a good mood....just cooing and talking, this is soooo unlike me. But now....waking her up is harder than knocking down a building with a bowling ball. In fact..make that a baseball.

We are doing this without a father...which is a wholllllleeee other story, but that is ok...We are better off this way. Please do not judge.

I work part time, but am going to be quitting at the end of April, as I will be going back to school for a RN degree. I have a degree already in Computer Information Systems with minors in programming, database management, and Web Developing. I had awesome grades, but I just can not find a job in the area in my field...and RN will get me to support my daughter and me.

Which leads me to my living situation. Currently I live with my parents, my 24 year old brother, and Sunrise. It is a little cramped...but it is probably the best situation I can be in.

Goodness this post is boring! I promise the others will be much better!

If you can give...

Mamalicio.us shared this video on her blog. For those of you who are able..please consider donating to this organization. Especially those of us who were fortunate enough to be able to have our children with us in the world for a long time(and 2 years is a long time, especially compared to what these families get to spend with their little ones)

Though what they do maybe quite the hard thing to believe...I believe they are doing a wonderful job and to all those families who have lost their little angel early on, my heart goes out to you.

Now I lay me down to sleep is where you can find this organization. Thank you mamalicio.us for sharing this with us.

I got in!

I'm dancing the jig right now. I got into nursing school! I got the letter today along with the forms to fill out for official transcripts from school & colleges. Which makes me wonder. Do high schools keep transcripts for 20 years?? LOL

I have to sit down and start figuring out finances. I am quitting my job to concentrate on school and Sunrise. I think this is the best thing to do because I will be missing her a bunch already with just school..but add work too?? Too hard.

I do plan on finding a Nurse tech job at Children's hospital eventually. The nurse told me that once I get past the clincal portion you can apply for a job as a nurse tech for 14 an hour. The best part..you can make your own hours! So I figured if I could work from 8 until 12 3-5 days a week...then life will be good because she will be asleep the whole time Im gone to work. :)

Next I gotta pray my car holds up for 2 more years, which I think is going to be really pressing it...but I'm not going to let that fear hold me back!