A&P is kicking my butt..or am I doing it?

And it hurts!  However, when I think about it, I think I'm kicking my own butt! 

I want sooooo bad to get all A's in school.  So bad, that I think I am being too hard on myself, but I can not get out of the A mindset. 

For instance, I studied my butt off for this test today.  I felt like I was ready to ace it! Got to class, and took it. 

I walked out of there and felt like a freaking truck hit me.  Everyone else did too.  In fact, when we returned after the test was over(those of us that finished it before the hour was up, were allowed to leave for the remaining time), we had a mutiny.  The test was HARD, there were things on the test that she said weren't and things she said would be weren't.  I was sure that I failed it.  There were questions that I left blank.  I could not even come up with something that sounded right.  I was so freaking disappointed in myself.

Well..just checked the grade online and I got an 85.  That just isn't good enough.  I know it is.  I know it is a great grade, especially when the average was a 61...but I just feel like a failed.  She probably could have giving me a 50 and I still would feel the same. Like a failure.

I don't know why I am so hell bent on getting all A's.  Yes it is something that is good to have, but shouldn't a B be good enough if I tried my hardest?  Why can't I accept this?

I think that all of my failures in life(or if your a half full type of person..."life lessons"), has caused me to worry about being perfect, and it is so disappointing that I am not.  Not that I think that I am...but I want to be, and that is a crazy dream.

Quck update on school...

I know you all have been dying on how school is going....Muhahahahaha LOL

So figured I'd do a real quick update.

1st we had a class that only lasted one day..it was student success seminar which had some work and a paper attached to it. I am proud to say that I got an A...Not just any A...I got a perfect score! Before you are impressed....it wasn't hard to get a perfect score...LOL

Second Medical Terminology...nothing going on in there yet except I have over 200 words and abbreviations to learn in the next 5 weeks...

And third and final..UGHHHH Anatomy and Physiology. Who created this subject and why are they trying to torture us?? LOL It wouldnt be that bad...but remember we have a whole semester(16 weeks) of work stuffed into 8 weeks. Also, I am not going into details because I got my ass ripped over at allnurses.com about this subject...but there are many distracting people in this class(and not in a good way either!). We have had two tests...and both I have walked out with an 88. Solid B+. I am not happy with this...I have a goal of straight A's damnit!!!!

So...I only get to get online here and there and sporatically(mostly when I am at work)...so I get a little lost on many things, unless it has to do with chemistry,cells, skin, membranes, and the skeleton(next week muscles!....YAY!! LOL). Yes I have learned all about all these things in hmmmm 2-1/2 weeks. I mean ALL about these subjects...not just glancing over the material either. For instance....those 88's I got on my tests...yeah..the average score of the class was a 48 & 49...so I have been busting my ass studying.

And now Im off to memorize the layers of epidermas and the difference between them...UGHHHHHH, and if I really feel like it..I may go over membranes a little more too. (BTW did you know that Jello is made of hooves of cows and horses and other things that you dont wanna know...check it out on snopes if you don't believe me)