The Predator thinks he is fooling his prey

So this guy introduced himself to me on a website that I frequent. I am not going to say what site, because when I brought it to their attention the issue was dealt with immediately and they don't deserve any indication of bad publicity, because it is out there on any site that involves singles unfortunately.(ok and married people to...but that is a whole other subject).

A little background..when it comes to online and chatting, if I come across a worthy victim person to mess with their heads..I jump ALL over it. Such is the conversation that I had with this guy...name changed to protect the moron guy.(I hope he doesn't read my blog..so I can let this go on..LOL)

A little more background.  He messaged me and said he was interesting in chatting.  His profile said he was in the same state as I was...so I thought, what the heck.  Why not? I'm really not looking to date anyone..but if someone jumps out and bites me on the nose, cant hurt to check him out..right? A week goes by with offline messages, apparently he is only online during the day when I am usually at work or school. Well he caught me.  Now..all of our messages so far have been very light and casual.  Nothing personal at all.

(This things in parenthesis is stuff that I was thinking)

Moron (7/17/2008 11:15:19 AM): how was your night?
Dawn (7/17/2008 11:15:32 AM): Eh ok...was studying until midnight
Dawn (7/17/2008 11:15:35 AM): you?
Moron (7/17/2008 11:15:57 AM): had a splendid good sleep
Moron (7/17/2008 11:16:05 AM): ur plans 4 today? (Y O U R...this bugs me when it isnt done in text messaging. I understand doing it in text but online..it kinda gets on my nerves.)
Dawn (7/17/2008 11:16:14 AM): School and work
Dawn (7/17/2008 11:16:26 AM): Do you work?
Moron (7/17/2008 11:17:03 AM): i do but a contract work ,i guess you know(he goes on to tell me he is a geologist contract work..first thought was SCORE.)

Deleted boring stuff...

Moron (7/17/2008 12:52:17 PM): babe, am so very busy sorry
Moron (7/17/2008 12:52:25 PM): but can talk to me now(OHHHH yeah?? Giving me permission????)
Dawn (7/17/2008 12:52:51 PM): Ok

Moron (7/17/2008 1:04:22 PM): hello, babe(I deleted some stuff..but there was only 9 minutes between the last PM and this one, and where the hell does he get off calling me babe?)
Moron (7/17/2008 1:04:31 PM): sorry just wanted to ask something
Dawn (7/17/2008 1:04:37 PM): ok
Moron (7/17/2008 1:04:59 PM): you got Equity?(WTH??  First..the only equity I know of is when an item of large amount is worth more than what you owe on it...umm hello?? I just told him in the deleted section that I work part time and go to school..plus he knows I'm a single mom...Oh yeah, I am rich alright *insert eye roll here*. But I know something isnt right...so let's see where this goes).
Dawn (7/17/2008 1:05:36 PM): No(even if I did..the answer is still no)
Moron (7/17/2008 1:07:10 PM): sorry i asked, i have reason for asking
Dawn (7/17/2008 1:07:27 PM): um ok(so share with me Einstein)
Moron (7/17/2008 1:11:06 PM): hello,i don't bank cos of past problems had with banks(yep..this is definitely going where I think it is going, and "hello"??  Must be shift change)
Dawn (7/17/2008 1:11:25 PM): I see
Moron (7/17/2008 1:11:46 PM): what bank you save with?(umm again..poor single mom=NO SAVINGS)
Dawn (7/17/2008 1:11:58 PM): key
Moron (7/17/2008 1:13:09 PM): ok
Moron (7/17/2008 1:13:56 PM): hello(notice the whole 47 seconds between pm's...must have been anothing shift change).
Dawn (7/17/2008 1:14:08 PM): hello(at this point I am sitting here thinking...how the heck can I screw with this scamsters head...)Moron (7/17/2008 1:14:39 PM): could do a slight favour?(ummm it is FAVOR in the states moron!)
Dawn (7/17/2008 1:14:49 PM): what(he is going to ask me for money...)
Moron (7/17/2008 1:15:39 PM): its going to be a little demanding but i'll compensate if will try for me(uhhuh...sure you will...he is going to ask me for money)
Dawn (7/17/2008 1:15:49 PM): whats that?
Moron (7/17/2008 1:16:53 PM): open a Wells Fargo Account Credit account, you will help receive some funds(there we gooooooo...Ummm have I told you also I have very bad credit?? And owe approx 20 thousand in college loans?? Yeah...didn't think so...but for him, I am going to make him believe that I have perfect credit)
Dawn (7/17/2008 1:17:08 PM): why?
Moron (7/17/2008 1:17:29 PM): cos of reason said ealier a(oh I should mention that his profile had no typos, mispellings or anything else like that).
Dawn (7/17/2008 1:17:57 PM): Why dont you?(I wanna hear it from the horses mouth...)

This is where I had to go to work...Our conversation would not be continued until this morning...

Moron (7/24/2008 9:27:22 AM): hey Dawn
   

(here we had useless chatter about how I just got out of the shower and was getting ready to go to school..etc...and of course, his sexual innuendos about me taking a shower alone...More eye rolling of course)

Moron(7/24/2008 9:37:57 AM): really missed talking to you
Dawn (7/24/2008 9:38:09 AM): Well you aren't on in the evenings(at this point, I had already checked the time in Nigeria...Yep...mornings are evenings there...he must be doing this as a side job)
Moron (7/24/2008 9:38:43 AM): its cos of the time difference, thought you know i made my way down here to west africa(hmmm nope..never told me...I think I won a lottery or two down there recently...gotta remember to send them some money so that they can send me my winnings.(Sarcasm by the way..I know it is a scam))
Moron(7/24/2008 9:39:05 AM): how have you been?
Dawn (7/24/2008 9:39:16 AM): Busy..(now I am just annoyed that this guy is scanning single mom's out of money.  I was talking to my mom at the same time..and she said I should call the police, I asked her...hmmm dont have the number for the internet police mom...(she just doesnt get it))
Moron (7/24/2008 9:39:48 AM): i guess thatz why have not been seeing you on(he must feel that Z is an underused letter..so he is going to use it so it doesnt feel lonely).
Dawn (7/24/2008 9:40:10 AM): Work and school(DUH!)
Moron (7/24/2008 9:40:37 AM): how has it been?
Dawn (7/24/2008 9:40:53 AM): Rough(are you seeing the pattern of my one word answers??LOL)
Moron (7/24/2008 9:41:04 AM): but you have been coping good i guess?(coping...I only ever hear that word when I am in therapy..or after someone's death)
Dawn (7/24/2008 9:41:27 AM): Yeah..so far

Moron (7/24/2008 9:43:43 AM): could you pls give me links of 5stars hotels in your city close to you(so you can promise to come visit me..then you will have a problem getting money to get the plane ticket here, and in my sadness because I am so awestruck by you..I will give you the money, just so I can go to the airport and you not show up??  Ummm yeah right...but I will play your game).
Dawn (7/24/2008 9:45:05 AM): I dont think there are any 5 stars(HELLOOOO Single mom...Let's do this math again: Poor Single Mom=No Money=No 5 star hotels)
Moron (7/24/2008 9:45:58 AM): i hope you did kno wat i mean by 5stars hotel?(ROFL...I kind of got offended by this statement).
Dawn (7/24/2008 9:46:07 AM): <--not stupid
Moron (7/24/2008 9:48:11 AM): sorry if that sounds offending to you(Gee ya think?)
Moron (7/24/2008 9:49:35 AM): but do you know of any with good services

I gave him the link to a hotel that is about 20 miles from here..I don't know if it is a 5 star or not, but it is a higher quality hotel...For some reason he signed off on me!! DANG IT I wasn't done playing with his mind...Hopefully I will have some more chances...MUHAHAHAHAHA

A&P is kicking my butt..or am I doing it?

And it hurts!  However, when I think about it, I think I'm kicking my own butt! 

I want sooooo bad to get all A's in school.  So bad, that I think I am being too hard on myself, but I can not get out of the A mindset. 

For instance, I studied my butt off for this test today.  I felt like I was ready to ace it! Got to class, and took it. 

I walked out of there and felt like a freaking truck hit me.  Everyone else did too.  In fact, when we returned after the test was over(those of us that finished it before the hour was up, were allowed to leave for the remaining time), we had a mutiny.  The test was HARD, there were things on the test that she said weren't and things she said would be weren't.  I was sure that I failed it.  There were questions that I left blank.  I could not even come up with something that sounded right.  I was so freaking disappointed in myself.

Well..just checked the grade online and I got an 85.  That just isn't good enough.  I know it is.  I know it is a great grade, especially when the average was a 61...but I just feel like a failed.  She probably could have giving me a 50 and I still would feel the same. Like a failure.

I don't know why I am so hell bent on getting all A's.  Yes it is something that is good to have, but shouldn't a B be good enough if I tried my hardest?  Why can't I accept this?

I think that all of my failures in life(or if your a half full type of person..."life lessons"), has caused me to worry about being perfect, and it is so disappointing that I am not.  Not that I think that I am...but I want to be, and that is a crazy dream.

High school revisited? Or is it just me...

Since I came reinvolved in blogs, both reading and writing, I have found myself transformed into the teenager back in the days of high school.

I have gotten jealous of the exposure some upcoming bloglets(think...starlets). I find myself reading some blogs who are up and coming and starting to rise in the area of popularity, and finding that I want to be just like them.  I want to be like the cheerleader (aka Morgan, with her charisma and likeability..I bet you were a cheerleader werent ya? LOL)...or the philosophical ones like MsSingleMama, or Rachel Sarah...or the popular girls like Pioneer Woman or Dawn Mehan.  I wanted to be in with the boys...like Dad's House or Random Esquire. I find that I want to join the organizations they belong to...so I can be "in" by association.

I often forget who I am...Though these people are "perfect" in the world of blogging, I know I can not be perfect...and I forget that they are not perfect themselves, they just have talents that I have yet to develop yet.  

So hats off to all you bloggers out there who have become the "in crowd".  You have impressed me with your writing styles and popularity!

PS.  I am strictly stating that I am impressed with these blogs, and many others! I could go on and on...how many of you impress me...like Snow and her comic ways, littlemansmom in here ability to make it real. And to my doodlebug mom's who fit in between everything. Hats off to all of you.

My first award...

Littlemansmom is the first person to ever give me an award. I am touched, especially since I know it comes from the heart! She has been a great support through all these recent things going on...and I could not have asked for a better friend(especially someone who hardly knows me!).

Thanks again hon! I will cherish it!

ROFL! Is this the guys online?

Only during the time of potty training a 2 year old...

do you get praised every time YOU go to the potty!

(Ok..I have to edit this post to say...I actually typed the word potty. Not bathroom, not facilities, not even take a piss. My vocabulary has been deduced to a 2-1/2 year olds! )

My Meeting....

Ok, with great demand, here is how my meeting went.(Ok..only one person was demanding an update...LOL)

But first, I want to thank all of you who left me comments of well wishes and prayers. I appreciate it.

When I arrived at the restaurant, I was directed by the hostess to meeting Michelle. She was standing there.  She looked a little like I had imagined.  I had only seen the side of her face quickly at the courthouse, and I did see a professional photo of her...which as every one knows doesn't always look like yourself.

Immediately, we hugged! First I think the hug was in relief.  Relief that it was exactly who we'd expected...relief because we knew that the person hugging the other knew exactly how we felt and to know that we knew each other as not being crazy..that kinship that we share...it was just plain old relief.

We sat down in our booth...and it was like we were old friends.  We talked about her stuff going in her life(there is a major event going on in her life..but out of privacy...just know we talked about it).  Then the subject turned quickly to Chris.  I handed her the letter I had received..and let her read it.  Of course, she had questions on how Chris knew about her...and a few other things about the conversation I had with Chris.  I told her what was said to the best of my memory. She expressed her concerns for me and my safety, and we discussed being safe and all that other good stuff.

This of course led to stories...stories of the abuse. And it was funny, how though we had separate stories...the stories were the same. Different scenarios...but the same MOs.  We shook our heads in disgust..we laughed...we got somber...but there were no tears. None!  I thought for sure there would be crying, but I think the comfort of talking to someone who knows...just overshadowed it. It felt good.  I didn't feel like I was whining or complaining too much.  Often I feel this way...on my blog even, because I think "Noone wants to hear about your horrible ex or past!", but Michelle did.  I was happy(in a weird way) to hear her stories.  Because abusers tend to make you question things...make you think that your mind isn't right.  That you are making stuff up...when you know it happened!!

She even bought dinner, which was a huge relief to me.  Though I was ready to pay for my share, it would have been tough. I am a little low on cash until next payday..and her offering just lifted it off my shoulders. Of course, I would NEVER tell her that I was low on cash...but she did.  I protested of course, because I feel bad...but I decided that since she is in the service industry(again privacy for her)..I was going to have her do something that I need, and tip her big for it in a couple of months. Though she did say I could buy next time...which I certainly will(do you think next time I hang out with her..it would be ok to meet at McDonalds???LOL j/k).

But the best thing that has stayed with me since was when she said...."We should start an ex's of the monster's club...and you can be the president because you are the bravest person I know!"  I was so proud to be called brave...she made me feel real good about myself.

I think I have made myself a new friend...and the best thing of all..She has a great personality!

Home Safe...

Just thought I'd let you all know that I am home safe.  She is a WONDERFUL person. Sooo nice...and caring.  I'll update you all tomorrow...Sunrise is trying to take over the laptop..making it hard to type. LOL

A HUGE leap of faith

Tomorrow, I am taking a huge leap of faith and trusting that my gut is right.  Tomorrow I am meeting Michelle.  This is a huge leap of faith for both of us.   Since both of us were beaten by the same man, there isn't much surprise, that I think both of us are nervous.

With the recent onslaught of events revolving around Chris, our emails have gotten more and more frequent.  She is really afraid for me.  Chris doesn't require anything from her, so she feels like she is safe.  But being the Chris as reached out to me...she is panicked that the ex will come after me again. I gotta be honest, now I am panicked.

But I regress...this meeting is going to be very hard.  Hard emotionally especially, because we have established such a kinship for going through the same things with the same man. I know that I am afraid a teeny tiny bit about what if she has hooked back up with him...but mostly because I am afraid to have to face some feelings that I have pushed down wayyyyyyyy deep for the past 4 years.  But I think in the end...it will be a relief.  I am prepared for tears...and probably an onslaught of more nightmares that have reoccured since the whole Chris thing has developed, but I think all will be well.

Wish us luck, that we will be able to resolve within ourselves some of the pain that we still live with day to day.

Return of the "man" who changed me forever...

Well the other day as I was looking through the television listings...I came across something that changed my life extremely from when I was 16 until I was 20. 

Yes...he rocked my world, he showed me the way...he opened up my mind...he gave me a purpose...

Who was this person you ask??? It was....

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Yes!!! That is right...Alf is in reruns on television.  Now my life is complete!

Muddy Buddies or Puppy Chow

My first recipe!! WOohoooo....

Ok this is or favorite thing to have around the house to snack on, but be careful..it is addicting.

BTW..this maybe a real simple recipe, especially compared to Pioneer Woman's...but hey..I don't have time to cook huge meals, or the mouths to eat them. Not to mention, I don't think I'm that good. Here we go..

I apologize first the quality of some of the photos.  Turns out that my camera was set on close up.

First you need

• 9 cups of Chex
• 1 cups of semi sweet chocolate chips(I add extra for good measure)
• 1/2 cup of peanut butter
• 4 tbs of butter or margarine
• 1 tsp of vanilla
• 1-1/2 cups of powdered sugar

Take the 9 cups of Chex and put in a large bowl. I used a large pan, because we have no large bowls.

Take the chocolate chips, peanut butter and butter/margarine

And mix in a microwaveable bowl.  Nuke Place in microwave:

Cook for 1 minute. Stir and cook for additional 30 seconds if needed to be able to pour over cereal. 

Add vanilla and mix.

 

Pour mixture over cereal and mix well, evenly coating pieces.(Ok I gotta admit, that my pieces are not evenly coated).

Ok I know this looks like something that came out of Amy Winehouses flat, but I assure you that it is powdered sugar in a bag.

Add the cereal to the bag and mix.

Pour everything out on wax paper so that the mix can set for a little while..

 

VOILA!  Puppy chow!

Eat it up..but please remember I take no responsibility for any weight gain for any irresponsible consumption!

I never thought I'd Say...

SUNRISE!  Get your head out of the toilet NOW!

Technorati Tags: sayings

Moral Decisions.....

OK...I want to ask you a question....

If you had information that could save a child's life possibly(not your own child), would you risk your life to give up that information?

Answer that for me...please!  I am so torn right now.

As stated in many of my emails about domestic violence...I am in contact with the girl that my ex dated during the trial, divorce proceedings, and CPO hearing.  Let's call her...hmmmm....Michelle.

Last week Michelle emailed me...and let me know that my ex had in fact remarried and apparently had a child. Let's call his now third wife...Chris.  But Chris and the ex are now getting a divorce..and there were charges of domestic violence against him, and he was found guilty on one..awaiting trial for the second.(Good for her for pressing charges!!!). 

Well today, the weirdest thing happened(keep in mind that I just found out about Chris last week).  I received a letter from Chris. She needs my help.

Turns out Chris had to run with only the clothes on her back from the ex.  Unfortunately she had to leave her almost 1 year old behind.  (Because he wouldn't leave the baby alone with her...and I know him...he knew deep down inside she was leaving, and knew if that child was left alone with her..she'd take him.  She probably thought she could get the baby back easily, once she was free). Well this is not the case.  Now the ex...(still waiting trial for abuse mind you) will not give back the child.  And the fact that he has not been convicted yet...is not enough reason to give him back according to the courts.  This is all because he is doing to her..what he did to me.  He is telling everyone who will listen, that she is crazy. 

I called Chris and we talked for a little bit.  She doesn't sound crazy, but I don't know her.  She wants me to speak the Guardian Adlidem about the abuse I witnessed with my step kids, the fact that he tried to say I was crazy, and the abuse I endured...  First the step kids are with their mother now...so they are safe.  I asked her if the GA could talk to them..she said yes that she probably will.  I told her that the only way I will talk to the GA is for information purposes only. I do not want my name brought into it...out of fear. Now I'm wondering if that is even a good idea.   I told Chris that I could probably tell the GA about things that I saw the ex do to the kids, and then she could ask the kids herself if this or that happened(you know..because kids forget after years)...I of course told Chris, that I would not be able to vouch for her...because I don't know her...but  I will tell them my story if I can anonymously.

My main thought is that little 1 year old...that child is going to be abused.  He did it with all of his other kids...he will do it to him too.  But yet..I sit here..and wonder what if he does find out I talked..what will he do to me?  <sigh>  What to do ...what to do...

What would you do???

Blogging Advice Needed

Technorati Tags: blog help

Ok..at the advice of littlemansmom, I checked out wordpress.  Tell me those of you who have used wordpress and blogger, which one you like better??  And why?

I was looking at it..and it doesnt look like you can change things on...like adding photos as your header..or background...etc.  Am I correct??  Or is it just something I'm not seeing?

I have only a week left to get this blog the way I want it before I head back to school...UGHH... 

Any advice?

Dirty looks

Pioneer Woman put this video on her blog...and I thought it was too friggin cute not to show you all. LOL Gave me a good laugh.

 

Teetering back and forth...

Ever feel like you are walking a balance beam with very bad balance??  This is what I'm feeling like.  I HOPE this is just PMS...PLEASE let it be PMS...but I'm on the edge of loosing it. I wanna cry...

I think it started when I got the car..That's crazy eh??  Well once I explain...maybe you will understand.  I was also getting ready to quit my job, partially because of stupid crap they are pulling, and are pulling more of...partially so I could concentrate on school...and partially...for my own sanity, because I am overwhelmed with 30 things going on at once.

It REALLY hit me today when I had to go into work.  For the last 3-1/2years I have worked there...we have not had to open our department on holidays, as long as things were done ahead of time, and we didn't get paid for the day.  This worked out well since I had Sunrise, because daycare is closed..and I didn't have to worry about what to do with her.  Well last week, my bosses boss emails her and tells her that someone has to work holidays now.  In fact, they are exploring opening us up on the weekends to...Ummm NO.  I can't do it.  Period, no if, ands or buts.  Since my boss was leaving yesterday for vacation in Colorado, and the other girl in the office was coming home from vacation in NC...I HAD to go in.  Which I told them, I could only do it after my mom came home from work. Fine they said...since this is a new thing, they will LET me.. Ummm hello????? What were they going to do...Fire me?? PLEASE!!! Because right now, I am not sure quitting is an option for me anymore...which leads to me feeling stuck!

I got a little scolding a couple weeks ago from my boss about having to leave early here and there for doctor appointments(in which all the time was made up).  Whether they are for Sunrise..or for me...Now with this condition that Brooke may have, doctor appointments are going to become more frequent I think.

Now..here is where the car comes in.  I have to pay my dad back for the car..which I think I can make payments to him, even if I quit, but convincing him of that..is quite difficult. Long story as to how, I could, but they would be smaller payments, and my spending will be real limited, but budgeted correctly, I can do it.  But I feel stuck in my job.  Which just upsets me beyond what you can imagine.

Then I'm having stress about Sunrise.  For those of you that do not have experience...being a single mom is H A R D!  Not so much hard, as exhausting.  My mom is now starting to be annoyed about having to watch her to help me out..when I run to the store..run an errand..do this or that.  I asked her if she would watch Sunrise this weekend while I washed and waxed the car.(This is a necessity.  The car REALLY needs a wax...This isn't because I want to...believe you me!). She said that I could take her outside with me to do it.  Umm yeah I could, but Sunrise has this extreme urge to runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn  to the neighbors...to the street...to the end of the earth if Id let her.  Ohhh and the hose?? Oh boy..that is going to be a fight, trying to get it away from her!  So my mom is now expressing her need for a break.  Which this is all pointing at a point....I can not, get out!  I can not get an evening to myself...just to go out...have a couple of drinks...go to the movies...go out to eat...ANYTHING!   So that means...for the next year and half..my only break will be working and school...No going out.  I need a break. Granted, it isn't her responsibility...she didn't have Sunrise..But have some compassion woman! PLEASE. 

I live with my parents, so there is no way I can bring a sitter in(nor can I afford it) to help out while I do get away...so what is a woman to do.

So you see..here I sit...teetering on the edge of losing it.  I feel like I want to just cry.  Curl up, and go to sleep forever. I just wanna escape.  Tonight I thought it would be great to go to the drivein...ALONE!  How pathetic is that?  Going to the drive in by yourself??  But my goodness...it would be pleasantly quiet! I could cry in peace and no one would know.  Please PMS...PLEASE be the problem and be done and over with!

Just. hold. on. a. year. and. half. longer.

My grades are going to suffer...

because the night before school starts back up....Big Brother 10 starts up.  And look at that...I "forgot" to cancel my Real Pass...which means that I will be watching a bunch of 24/7 feeds...while I study.

Anyone else have this or an addiction like it???  How do you break free?? I'm screwed.

Siphoning Gasoline

When we were on the way down to get my car...my father announced that he would like for me to siphon out the gas from my old car and put it in my new car, and some left for the mower.

Can you say "Hello gasoline high??"  I haven't done it yet...but I know that it is going to be what happens.

I can see it now..."911 what is your emergency?" "Yes I inhaled too much gasoline fumes" "You did what" "Inhaled gasoline fumes..." "ummmmm gas prices are bad..but didn't know they were that bad!" LOL

New Photos of Sunrise

My New Car :)

Here it is!  Alot of what seems to be on the car is just the shadow from the tree above it. 

 

I have always wanted white dials...lol I dont know why..I just did.

I am out of the woods.

For those of you who don't read the the boards...

I got a car!  It almost looked like I was still in trouble because the car that my dad's cousin tried to sell us was just too much.  He was more than dad wanted to spend, though it was very nice.  It was  a sporty sedan that had all the stuff you could want, except the one thing that I really wanted which was a 4 door.

So dad and I was looking around the lot while our cousin entertained mom and Sunrise...and there sitting at the road was the car that would be screaming at me..."BUY ME".

When I asked my cousin about it...he said he didn't show it to me, because it was stick shift.  I told him that it didn't matter to me.  So dad and I took it out for a ride and it was a beaut!  It had everything in it that I wanted.  4 door, A/C, power windows(at least on the front two windows, the back windows are still crank), CD Player, and it is sporty!  It even has a spoiler, which I really never cared about..but it looks sharp. Best thing..it was 2,000 less than the other car!

I'm going to take photos today or tomorrow, so you all can see.

I am soooooooo happy.  Thanks all for your thoughts.